From an actual article today by an actual newspaper reporter: “The Olympic women’s figure skating competition, which concludes Thursday night with the long program and the adornment of a new gold medalist, has the required elements of beauty, style, seductiveness, skill and tension.”

Seductiveness? Seductiveness is a requirement now?

And Slate’s article today on women’s figure skating is headlined, “Sexy Gypsies on Ice — Russian dynamos and American flirts fight for Olympic gold!” Yeah! Fight for that gold, you sexy gypsies and flirts! The article is by Meghan O’Rourke (Slate’s “culture editor”), who seems as interested in the women’s lip gloss as in their skating routines.

But what about the seductiveness of men’s Nordic combined? Or the sizzling sexual energy just under the surface of the men’s curling competition?

And by the way, Apollo Ohno is wearing way too much blush.

Technorati Tags: Olympics, figure skating

Posted by Violet under Olympics on February 22, 2006, 6:52 pm EST

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Posted by Violet under Olympics on February 20, 2006, 12:11 pm EST

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This is the first Winter Olympics since the skating poobahs dropped the rule that women had to wear skirts. That’s right, it used to be in the rulebook that female figure skaters had to compete in skirts — no trousers, no unitards. Hence the startling displays of exposed crotchitude that have been a feature of every Olympics.

Now the dress code has been relaxed, and women can wear skirts, trousers, or unitards. This strikes me as a good thing, since the wide-open display of the female crotch is apparently an integral aspect of the sport. Alas, a similar choice of attire is not available for the guys, who are required to wear trousers. Unitards and skirts are not acceptable for skaters of the masculine persuasion. Personally I don’t see the problem with an occasional dudely bulge, but I’m obviously not in tune with the Glorified Patriarchy that is figure skating.

Of all the sports (ahem) in the Olympics, none is more slavishly devoted to the cult of traditional gender roles than figure skating. In what other sport are the women athletes officially referred to as “ladies”? As a matter of fact, “ladies” figure skating was created because the first woman ice skater to compete beat all the men except one, thus winning a silver medal. Oops! Can’t have that! So a special “ladies” figure skating division was created.

And how wild is it that the pairs skating events require that the pair be comprised of a “lady” and a man? Why can’t two dudes skate together? Or two “ladies”? No, obviously the goal here is to create some kind of ice-borne fantasy of traditional heterosexuality — albeit one where the woman is held up in the air with her legs spread-eagle for about 30% of the time. It’s an interesting sport.

Don’t get me wrong: I genuinely like figure skating. I would like it more without the Siegfried & Roy style costumes, but it’s still fun to watch. It is breathtaking to see humans glide across the ice at thrilling speed, spinning and twisting and leaping. And there is undeniable beauty in a well-executed pas de deux. It’s like ballet to the power of 10.

Or it can be. Too often, it’s more like the Solid Gold dancers to the power of 10. Only less tasteful. And with cheesier costumes. And more crotch shots. The dancers — I mean skaters — defend the increasing pornification of their sport as “artistic self-expression.” And who can blame them? In our society that’s what artistic self-expression looks like: stripper outfits and simulated sex.

So, while quite a few women are opting for the new unitards and trousers — which I think look fabulously sleek — many are still eager to display their latest wax job to the adoring fans. (And lest you imagine that the traditional tights are opaque: they’re not. See Katarina Witt and Tonya Harding for details.)

Me, I just like to see people doing amazingly acrobatic things on the ice, without worrying about wedgies and whether the girl has had a Brazilian. But you know, I’m just a reclusive leftist feminist freak.

Posted by Violet under Olympics on February 12, 2006, 10:23 pm EST

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As promised, here we go with live-blogging the Olympics Opening Ceremony. In past years I’ve live-blogged the opening ceremony to the furniture in my living room, my dog, and various imaginary friends. Now, thanks to the miracle of modern technology, I can live-blog to a whole world of furniture, dogs, and imaginary friends! Woo hoo!

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Posted by Violet under Olympics on February 10, 2006, 8:02 pm EST

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The Olympics Opening Ceremony will be on NBC tonight at 8pm. I’ll be blogging it live, though of course the ceremony itself won’t be live. It’s already happening right now in Italy. Our U.S. television coverage will be 6 hours behind.

I love the Olympics Opening Ceremony. This one sounds like it’s going to be a doozy: rollerbladers spitting 2-foot balls of flames! Silver-clad dancers with giant bubbles stuck to their heads! I’ve got my fingers crossed they’ll work in the Shroud of Turin somehow. I’d like to see a line of dancers in giant masks that look like the Shroud, maybe doing a kick step.

And of course there’s always the thrilling Parade of Athletes. Will the U.S. team uniform this year be blue blazers and cowboy hats? Or perhaps gray blazers with cowboy hats? You gotta love the fashion sense of whoever designs our uniforms. Very 80s flight attendant. With cowboy hats.

Of course the French team will probably be wearing Chanel, and I hear the entire Italian contingent is going to be dressed in full-length Armani gowns.

Then there are those misty-eyed group hug moments. The President of the IOC will talk about the “yute of the world.” Susan Sarandon will light the Olympic Torch, which this year has been sculpted in the shape of Desmond Tutu. Alberto Tomba will have sex with all the women in the stadium.

Let the Games begin!

Posted by Violet under Olympics on February 10, 2006, 4:03 pm EST

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