Western civilization scheduled to end in November of this year

Thursday, January 26th, 2012 · 9 Comments »

There isn’t much that makes me laugh these days, but today I laughed. First I laughed at this: The right drops a bomb on Newt. I’m not crazy about linking to Politico, but their summary of today’s Republican self-destruct sequence is apt:

It’s as if the conservative media over the past 24 hours decided Gingrich is for real, and they need to come clean about the man they really know before it’s too late.

It’s true, of course, that Gingrich is an impossible candidate. Yes, of course he’s absurd. Yes, of course he’s unelectable. Bring on Mitt!

But the voters aren’t going to come out for Mitt in November either. He’s a Mormon. He’s the wrong religion. There is an entire swath of the country that is simply never, ever going to vote for him. Barack Obama could be the anti-Christ—hell, the people in South Carolina and Florida already think he is the anti-Christ—but that still won’t bring them out to vote for the Mormon.

So Obama will slide to re-election in November, at which point Western civilization will end. That’s the second thing that made me laugh today. Newt and the fundies had a conference call in Florida and talked about what will happen if Obama wins. It’s bad, folks, it’s bad:

Jim Garlow: At the risk of sounding melodramatic, the United States as we know her will cease to exist as will, then, Western Civilization. Those who are discerning, those who are intuitive to what is happening morally and economically in our nation understand the truth.

Don Wildmon: This is not a typical election. This is an election unlike any ever held in our country. We’re not just voting for a president; we’re voting for the continuation of Western Civilization. If those who are listening think that what we enjoy, the freedoms we enjoy, the right to practice our Christan faith, is merely an accident and is there, it’s not, people paid for it. And we can lose it, and we will lose it, if we lose this next election. What’s at stake is everything that the human race, Western Civilization, has fought for for the last two thousand years.

On the other hand, maybe this could be a good thing. What did Gandhi say about Western civilization? “I think it would be a very good idea.”

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9 Responses to “Western civilization scheduled to end in November of this year”

  1. scott says:

    I love how this Garlow guy announces the end of Western Civ “at the risk of sounding melodramatic.” Of course not, Don, I’m sure that’s the balanced, nuanced view. Jesus. I did want to draw you out a little about your view that the Mormon thing will hurt Mitt – do you really think so? Won’t the conservatives just think that the guy (well, he is a phony) is willing to do or say anything they want, and leave it at that while voting for him? Just curious.

  2. Violet Socks says:

    I don’t think the fundamentalists will vote for him, because they don’t consider him a Christian. That’s the real reason the fundies have been scrambling for another candidate to endorse (since Perry turned out to be a cartoon). The fact that they’ve flocked to Newt Gingrich of all people is a clear sign of desperation.

  3. cellocat says:

    I also love how he equates humanity with Western Civilization.

  4. Sameol says:

    The funniest part was Newt declaring that he doesn’t want to be President, and what a terrible ordeal it all is, but unavoidable as everyone else is a useless reprobate. His selflessness in fulfilling his call to save us in opposition to all his instincts and desires is positively Obamaesque.

  5. la redactora says:

    No, no, don’t worry it will all be fine. Newt Gingrich will be president, he is only manifesting his destiny. Why will it all be fine? Because Western Civilization already ended, when TLC aired the first episode of Toddlers in Tiaras.

  6. anna says:

    Today is the LAST DAY to contribute to the Frances Hugle project. If this project is not funded, Cheryl Hugle will be unable to preserve her mother’s scientific papers, and her work will be lost, as has happened to so many deserving female scientists over the years. Please don’t let this happen. If you can’t give something (even a dollar helps!), at least link to the project. Here is the link: http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/puredogma/the-inventions-of-frances-hugle?ref=live

  7. ellen says:

    If Western Civilization as we know it is coming to an end does that mean that women will finally be in charge?

  8. Professor Chaos says:

    He does realize that the US does not represent the whole of Western Civilization doesn’t he? Even if we ceased to exist, England, France, Germany, etc etc etc would still be representin’ the Western Civ,

  9. gxm17 says:

    Sorry to be the wet blanket but “western civilization” (aka American democracy) died right around the turn of the century. Those wacky Republicons, always a day late, a dollar short, and loud about it to boot. Wake up and smell the funeral pyre, boys.