I need to hook up this “socialist whore” guy with the people on the Rapture board

Thursday, November 3rd, 2011 · 15 Comments »

You’ve probably already heard about the heckler who called Elizabeth Warren a “socialist whore.” He also tells her that her “boss” (Obama?) is “foreign-born.”

I share Elizabeth Warren’s compassion for the guy. He’s been out of work since 2010, he’s a moron, whaddya gonna do? I think he needs to find that Rapture board I was telling you about a couple of weeks ago. I’ve decided it’s an excellent hobby for stupid people. You know how when you have dogs you try to find toys that engage them and keep them interested? Toys that encourage them to use their senses and faculties? I think conspiracy theories and batshit religions fill that role in the lives of stupid people. (And yes, I realize that some of those people aren’t stupid so much as simply ignorant or delusional. But a lot of them are just plain stupid.)

The Rapture people—who, by the way, all watch Fox News and think Obama is the Antichrist—are in a tizzy because “everything” is now pointing to 11/11/11 as the end of the world. It’s all so clear: the winter snows which tie in with the creationist water vapour theory of the Flood and the fact that NOAA is pronounced the same as “Noah”; the Crystal Skull tour which is unleashing demonic forces across the land; the Faith and Feminism conference November 11-13; the FEMA emergency test alert drill scheduled for November 9. Really, how could anyone doubt?

But people do doubt, and when they do, we know that Satan is behind it. Satan also calls us on our cell phones when we’re trying to make important Rapture videos:

To be honest, I haven’t watched that video past the 3:30 mark, because it makes me feel like I need to revisit the mental illness hypothesis. Doesn’t that look like paranoid delusion?

I do however want to call attention to the guy’s reference to the Bride of Christ. That terminology is, of course, ancient and standard in Christianity. But the enthusiasm for it among male Rapture watchers, at least on the board I follow, is somewhat disconcerting. I’ve never seen so many men speak earnestly of themselves as brides and of their longing to wear a beautiful dress and welcome their bridegroom. Except maybe on Towleroad.

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15 Responses to “I need to hook up this “socialist whore” guy with the people on the Rapture board”

  1. Carmonn says:

    The fact that HuffPo described “whore” as a “gender-based epithet” may actually be a sign of the Apocalypse.

  2. Adrienne in CA says:

    Starting at 5:00, methinks it’s not just the Holy Spirit he feels move — whoooh!

    Uh oh, more of the same at 8:00.

    Funny, I just watched my first episode of South Park, the one about T.M.I. Makes you wonder if this hot, hot Jesus love is just another direction that age old fixation can take.

  3. anna says:

    What a sexist troll.

    You know what’s an excellent hobby I just started? Knitting! And believe me, if I can do it anyone can.

  4. Violet Socks says:

    Adrienne, you actually watched the video that far? I don’t know what happens past 3:30. What is that happens at 5:00 and 8:00? I do know that apparently at the end of the video a beam of sunlight falls on him, because all the commenters on YouTube and the rapture board think that means the Holy Spirit is alighting on him.

    Speaking of which: every afternoon when the Holy Spirit alights on Molly’s ball on the living room rug, she just loves it!

    Anna, I cannot knit. I can crochet, which I learned to do as a child. But knitting involves straight needles with no hooks, and is therefore impossible.

  5. Violet Socks says:

    I just checked the news and saw that Herman Cain is rising in the polls despite sexual harassment thing. Amazing: Republicans don’t give a shit about sexual harassment. Who would have guessed?

  6. Gayle says:

    He’s probably rising in the polls BECAUSE of the sexual harassment thing.

  7. Adrienne in CA says:

    His comment at 7:58 is just a couple references to fornicating and watching porn, obvious alternatives to vigilent Rapture watching. But at 5:00, he drops into a confidential whisper anticipating Jesus’ open arms — then swallows the way you do when you say something kinda nasty. Funny as Hell.

    This guy reminds me so much of another narcissist I know. Hope that wedding ring is a prop.

  8. Violet Socks says:

    He is a narcissist, isn’t he? He’s just so insufferably full of himself, I can’t even watch. His other videos are like that too. Very smarmy and thoroughly thrilled with himself. I don’t know if he really thinks Satan is calling him and moving around in his room in the shadows, or if that’s just part of the whole narcissistic trip or what.

    What is striking to me is that the Rapture people don’t see that at all. They LOVE this guy. They think he’s anointed with the Holy Spirit. They don’t perceive the self-congratulatory bullshit at all.

    But of course these are the same kind of people who fall for televangelists.

  9. Violet Socks says:

    But at 5:00, he drops into a confidential whisper anticipating Jesus’ open arms — then swallows the way you do when you say something kinda nasty.

    The guys on the Rapture board are always saying things like “Oh come, oh Jesus come, your bride is waiting for you to sweep her up!” And they talk a lot about how wonderful it’s going to be to be hugged and kissed by Jesus. Refer to themselves as Brides all the time.

    The women never talk like that. Never. It’s hilarious.

  10. Sameol says:

    Mark Corallo actually said that, looking at all the sex scandals he’s had to deal with in his career (!) Cain and his ever-growing list of victims rates a 1 on a scale from 1 to 10. I’d pay a lot to see the full breakdown of what constitutes a significant scandal in the eyes of a Republican strategist.

  11. okanogen says:

    I thought 11/11/11 was Nigel Tufnel Day?

  12. arran says:

    Nope, I don’t have my reservation for the “Rescue Flight” piloted by Jesus for Friday. Who is this man on the video? If the end doesn’t come Friday, he and all other rapture, end-of-times forecasters should be made a global laughing stock. Jesus isn’t tipping off any of you to the hour and date of the rapture, if there’ll be such an event, so stop the insanity. To be separated from these religious wackos, I’ll be happy to be left behind. The disciples most often miss the true message which is obvious here.

  13. anna says:

    Hey Violet, are you doing all right medically and financially now?

  14. Violet Socks says:

    That is very sweet of you to ask, Anna. I’m doing fine medically, healing up well. The doctors did a good job. Financially, no; I’m basically broke.

  15. Skomersch Jane says:

    Sleep disturbances are a symptom of bipolar disorder.