Evil Christmas music/open thread
Christ, what a Christmas I’m having. In addition to various reclusive things going on, my fricking computer gave out. Isn’t that an awful feeling? It’s like having your arms cut off. I’m now in the process of cobbling together a replacement situation, which is what brings me to the subject of my post.
Yesterday evening I was in Best Buy to purchase a new USB wireless adapter so I could communicate with all you lovely people, and while there my ears were assaulted by some of the worst Christmas music I’ve ever heard. I mean some foul stuff. I mean the kind of stuff that makes me want to find out WHO is singing this motherfucking song so I can email a bomb to their house (once I get email back, which I don’t have yet). Seriously, people, I need your help with this. Who sings some asinine sing-songy thing that contains the words “the perfect gift for me would be….”? There’s also some line in there about “we said we’d stay in touch…” It’s a very bouncy, modern-sounding piece of crap and the young chanteuse performing it demonstrates her bouncy modernity by not actually singing the words so much as reciting them in sing-song fashion. But it’s more nursery rhyme than sprechgesang.
I was also assaulted by a version of Sleigh Ride that made me want to die. The woman singing it (who I think is called JoJo) doesn’t have a bad voice, but her delivery is grating, the instrumentation is extremely grating, and the mix is off-kilter.
Merry Christmas!
22 Responses to “Evil Christmas music/open thread”
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Jeff says:
Ah, hell. Just pick three smiles and make your own song. Life’s too short.
December 11th, 2010 at 11:54 pm EST -
Sweet Sue says:
In my opinion, the worst Christmas song is The Little Drummer Boy.
As a wee one, I was so embarrassed watching grown men like Perry Como singing baraamppumbum with sincere-dare I say sanctimonious-looks on their middle aged pusses.
Cringe. -
Sameol says:
Hands down, the worst holiday song ever is that one about the kid buying shoes so his mother will look presentable to meet Jesus. I don’t think any retailer would ever play that one, but I’d literally run out the door to avoid it.
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Marina says:
Do mean the song “Christmas wrapping”? There’s many versions so I don’t know which one you heard, but if it was that annoying it was probably Miranda Cosgrove’s. I love most Christmas songs, I can’t believe someone doesn’t like the little drummer boy, lol.
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Violet Socks says:
Do mean the song “Christmas wrapping”? There’s many versions so I don’t know which one you heard, but if it was that annoying it was probably Miranda Cosgrove’s.
OH MY GOD. THAT’S IT.
Okay, I have a new mission in life. Miranda Cosgrove must die.
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Fredster says:
Out of curiosity I just youtubed that song and you’re right. That was horrible!
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Lori says:
OTOH, last year at Christmas, I discovered a winter song from Marvin Gaye that is divine. If you’ve never heard Pretty Purple Snowflake, listen here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jQVeKb0ywOw -
Violet Socks says:
Lori, that is nice. Why don’t they ever play that on the radio at Christmas?
One thing I’m grateful for this year: I haven’t yet been exposed to any Mannheim Steamroller. The popularity of that crap baffles me. Their ability to make every song sound the same (classical/traditional music re-tempoed to a relentless drum track) is almost awesome in its badness. It all sounds like the kind of generic drum track muzak that accompanies sports shows. How can anyone stand it?
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Three Wickets says:
I’m going to say Miranda sounds like a throwback to somebody like Bananarama who I had no problem liking way back when.
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myiq2xu says:
Four Christmases in a row I worked retail. I had to listen to that music every damn day.
One place even had carolers walking around. They were lucky I didn’t have a gun.
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Cyn says:
“Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer” is the most godawful song ever written and the damn thing sticks with you for days. I can’t even link to it for fear if I hear it, I’ll be humming it all week.
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Mary Tracy says:
OMG!!! I don’t know why I googled it! EUGH EUGH EUGH!!! What a terrible insult to music everywhere!
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monchichipox says:
Stick to a different era when listening to Christmas music. Nothing beats the likes of Ms. Peggy Lee singing Winter Wonderland or Five Pound Box of Money. Christmas carols you can have a martini to are the best.
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Ciardha says:
They play John and Yoko’s beautiful “Happy X-mas: War is Over” so rarely nowadays too. I’ve been listening to our radio station that has played holiday music since Nov. 26th on my drives to and from work and only heard it once. They seem to love “This Christmas” (which I hate with a passion) to death I’ve heard it come on every freaking day- and promptly switched to the oldies rock station (makes me feel old that that 80′s songs are oldies nowadays ;)
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tinfoil hattie says:
Possibly the worst Christmas song excerpt:
“Giddyap, jingle-horse, kick up your feet …”
Uh, what?
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Pat Johnson says:
You have no idea what “bad Christmas” music is until you have been forced to listen to “Dominick the Donkey”. The others pale in comparison.
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AngryPunkPixie says:
I thought JoJo retired with all the money she made from her crappy pop music and went into hibernation because she is not a part of Disney anymore! Well, i am proving wrong
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sister of ye says:
I thought Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer was a hoot the first few times I heard it. Now it’s an “okay, if you have to” once or twice a season song. Same with the Singing Dogs doing Jingle Bells.
I have a pretty large Xmas music collection and have made two custom compilations I gave out as gifts – a mix of secular, religious and novelty songs, from mellow to rock. Last year’s included Mike Douglas doing Ave Maria and Kip Addotta doing I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus. I suspect no one else is, um, eccentric enough to put those two songs together.
I can’t fathom how Bing Crosby’s White Christmas is considered the #1 Xmas song of all time. Makes me want to shoot the radio. I settle for turning down the sound. No gun, and I don’t want to pay to replace the radio anyway.
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DarthVelma says:
I tend to avoid holiday music right up until December 23. That’s the day my mom and I traditionally do our xmas cookie baking. We listen to The Nutcracker, Gene Autry’s holiday album, and What if Mozart Had Written Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas (a personal favorite – holiday songs re-done in the styles of various classical composers).
I really don’t want to think about the worst holiday song ever…I’m scared it’ll get stuck in my head. Argh…Must. Not. Think. About. Percy the Puny Poinsettia.
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Level Best says:
My favorite Christmas music is instrumental–guaranteed no stupid, offensive lyrics.
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menmyownself says:
I can never listen to Chrissie Hynde singing “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” too many times. Its an awesome rendition.
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tinfoil hattie says:
My favorite Christmas music is instrumental–guaranteed no stupid, offensive lyrics.
See above comment re: Manheim Steamroller. A group I’ve also never comprehended.
