I think Ralph Lauren is too fat

Wednesday, October 14th, 2009 · 48 Comments »

I’m too strung out on diet pills today to write a real post. I’m here, I’m awake (AND I REALLY MEAN I’M AWAKE JESUS FUCKING CHRIST AM I AWAKE), but the writing god, she looks down at me and laughs.

Fortunately, I can embed this little video thingy from MSNBC to tell the shocking tale of the Ralph Lauren model who was fired for being too fat:

“Size 4 model: I was fired for being too fat!”

You know who I think is fat? Ralph Lauren. Dude is huge. Look at this clown:

Ralph Lauren and his Amazing Concho Belt Mariachi Band.

Ralph Lauren. Dude's a fashion designer. I fucking shit you not.

Even without the Amazing Concho Belt, the dude looks like a whale. I am absolutely positive that he cannot fit into the clothing sample I’ve just whipped up here on my sewing machine for my new fall line. It’s a pair of pants with a 12-inch waist and a matching halter top with sequins made from diet pill capsules. I’m afraid Ralph will have to lose some weight. MAYBE I’LL SEND HIM SOME OF MY DIET PILLS WOULD YOU LIKE THAT RALPH HUH HOW ABOUT I SEND YOU SOME FUCKING PILLS.

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48 Responses to “I think Ralph Lauren is too fat”

  1. TheOtherDelphyne says:

    Well, my first comment got timed out, so I think it’s lost.

    Basically what I said was, it’s no wonder that young girls suffer from anorexia and bulemia with this kind of stuff. Years ago, I found an organization in California which confronts this sort of image. They’re still doing their work and can be found here: http://about-face.org/

    Definitely take some time to read their Hall of Shame.

    And yes, Violet, while you are AWAKE, REALLY AWAKE, I think you should send Ralph those fucking diet pills. RIGHT NOW!!

  2. madamab says:

    You know, I’ve been working out lately and have lost some weight. This morning as I was getting dressed, I looked at myself and thought, “Hollywood/the fashion industry would probably say you need to lose 20 or 30 pounds.” If I did that, I would be so weak and helpless from hunger, I would have a hard time functioning or thinking clearly.

    Which is really the point, isn’t it? Starving women of their mental and physical power.

  3. myiq2xu says:

    Dude is waaaay too old too.

  4. TheOtherDelphyne says:

    Not to mention, madamab, you would be unable to sing with your lovely voice!

  5. madamab says:

    LOL TOD! Thank you so much.

    I remember when Kate Moss made her debut with the “waif” look. I thought, What healthy society encourages women to look like they’re starving to death?

  6. bluelyon says:

    It didn’t start with Kate Moss. I remember Twiggy.

  7. Violet says:

    My fingers are bleeding from threading all these little broken capsules and sewing them on to the HALTER TOP.

  8. Violet says:

    DEAR GOD THE FINNS HAVE FOUND ME.

    People, people! I’m being spied on by Finns! I have a trackback that says:

    “Dr. Violet Socks tiivistää sen niin hyvin!”

    Does anyone know what this means? Are there any Uralic language speakers in the house?

    IS THIS GODDAMN DIET PILL MAKING ME HALLUCINATE FINNS?

  9. votermom says:

    Maybe it’s a Mickey Finn?

  10. Bella Donna says:

    I like how according to Cosmo, it’s all the woman’s fault.

    A). Because models got skinnier!

    What they all shrunk in the dryer?

    B). So the designers had no choice but to make the clothes smaller!!

    Since when do the models hire the designers?

    Also, yes the photoshop is terrifying, but how is it more damaging to a young woman’s self image then approximately a zillion years of selectively hiring only the most waif-like of models and actresses?

  11. tpfka nycblue says:

    According to the online translator:

    “Dr. Violet Socks seals it so well!”

  12. yttik says:

    I’ll be darned Violet! I suspect you have been tagged by a Finnish feminist.

    http://myytinmurtaja.blogspot.com/

    Here’s a really bad Google translation:

    link

  13. yttik says:

    Ooops, I’m sorry, I really trashed that link. Feel free to dump it.

  14. OldCoastie says:

    Violet, you crack me up!

  15. janicen says:

    Violet, I tried all of the online translations I couldn find. There’s not too much out there when it comes to Finnish translations but I found one site which told me that tiivistaa means “compress” or “make tight”; nothing for “sen”, but “niin hyvin” means “so well”. So I’m thinking that they are saying “Dr. Violet Socks summarizes so well.” Something like that.

    This post ties in nicely with Anglachel’s post about obesity and poverty.

  16. Sis says:

    Raoul is Saami. They’re just honing in on their blood. And the translation must be: Violet Socks nails it.

  17. Hedgepig says:

    Just want to mention, I’m really enjoying the Best of RL Random 5. Good to catch missed posts and re-read old favourites.

  18. julia says:

    I miss the good ol’ days when I lived in Brazil.
    I got the flu and to get better fast, I went on an all raw fuit and vegetable diet for 5 days. At the end I was flying and my flu was long gone. And my Brazilian boyfriend was worried that I had lost a few pounds and wanted to make sure I ate fattening things to gain them back.

    Violet, are you any relation to the writer Violette LeDuc?

  19. Jadzia says:

    Violet Socks said it well….

  20. ekittyglendower says:

    Maybe Ralph didn’t want Karl to out loser him:

    link

  21. ekittyglendower says:

    And of course I blew the link, but anglofille is talking about this article:

    link

  22. rhoda says:

    “Dr. Violet Socks says it so well” or, literally, “sums it up so well”

    (I’m one of your Finns, but it wasn’t me who posted that.)

  23. Myytinmurtaja says:

    I am my own Finn!

    Also, “Dr. Violet Socks sums it up so well” was what was meant.

    (The rest of the post is basically me lamenting the tortured genius of Poor Ralph Lauren. How can anyone create with all these clearly supersized models abound?

    If only there was some way to, I dunno, maybe make larger clothes to begin with. Such a crazy thought.)

  24. Violet says:

    Myytinmurtaja! Greetings, Finnish Person!

    Are you there in Finland as we speak?

  25. Gayle says:

    This is one reason why I try to buy clothes designed by women. Unlike the men, they do tend to take our actual bodies into account.

  26. SweetSue says:

    What Gayle said.
    The only problem is that women designers, like Eileen Fisher, who design for women, get dissed by clueless twits like Nora Ephron in her latest Broadway show.
    Ephron, whom I never could stand, has one of her female characters say “When you start wearing Eileen Fisher, you know you’ve given up!”
    Because, you know, Fisher designs good looking clothes that skim the body or have somewhat relaxed waistlines.
    Oh the horror!

  27. yttik says:

    Nice to hear from you, Myytinmurtaja. I enjoyed reading your blog.

    I have a mother who has been dangerously thin her whole life and it’s partly culturally induced. I could write volumes about how she causes me to eat two or three thin people for breakfast just in rebellion against all the woman hating messages she (perhaps unintentionally) drops about the house. I suspect the only thing that has saved me is a bit of attention deficit disorder. Fortunately I just flit from one neurosis to another and never really stay on task.

  28. Violet says:

    yttik says:

    Nice to hear from you, Myytinmurtaja. I enjoyed reading your blog.

    Is everyone here Finnish except me?

  29. yttik says:

    “Is everyone here Finnish except me?”

    I don’t speak a word. Google translates websites, sometimes in poetic and amusing ways, but you do get the gist of what an article is saying.

  30. votermom says:

    Is everyone here Finnish except me?

    LOL. Hah! Not me!

    Myytinmurtaja, I looked at your blog too and wished I could read it! What was the post with the Barbie on it about?

  31. Myytimurtaja says:

    Violet: Oh yes! My both feet firmly planted on the carpet the good Finnish soil.

    Pidän kovasti kirjoituksistasi!

    yttik: Thanks! The Google Translator really is surprisingly good. I’ve never used it this way round. It might miss nuances (“I want to address the harsh hand. Between the poor and the down flap.” Hunh? But then again, why not?) but on the whole the you can get a good idea what the source text is about.

  32. Myytimurtaja says:

    votermom: The post is about Barbie’s far, far too fat ankles.

    (I don’t usually write that much about fashion or fashion designers, though. It just seems that this week those scary fashion designer men have really been busy, fat-shaming like it’s going out of style.)

  33. femina says:

    Along the same lines — ok marginally the same! — I think Hugh Hefner should have already posed nude in a ’70s “Playgirl” and should be chided for not doing so when younger and maybe ewweee a little attractive.

    What a coward of the first order he is!

  34. femina says:

    When my mother’s svelte first cousin died at 65, I knew starving herself to look fashionable all those years had to have had something to do with her early death. She was 5′ 10″ and probably weighed 130-135 pounds.

    Nora Ephron must think she’s a celebrity comic as well as a good film director.

  35. tinfoil hattie says:

    This young model is 5″ 10″ and 120 pounds, and I can’t imagine anyone thinking she should weigh even less.

    When I was young & reading Seventeen and American Girl magazines, I remember the “ideal” weight being touted as: at 5′ 0″ you “should” weigh 100 lbs, and for every inch over that, add another 5 lbs.

    Can you imagine this woman weighing 150 lbs (THE HORROR!) and succeeding as a model?

    And yet, I imagine that many thin women also get plenty of “Eat a sandwich!” and “Eeeww, are you ANOREXIC?” to go around. Say it with me: Women can’t win!

  36. Violet says:

    Violet, are you any relation to the writer Violette LeDuc?

    No, but I read La Bâtarde as a child and was deeply impressed by it. She was brilliant.

  37. madamab says:

    Semi-OT: Just read Tina Brown’s bizarre article on how Hillary is embracing her womanhood, in a boring, wonky, Wellesley kinda way, which causes her to put Bill on a leash. Or something like that.

    One word: EWWWWWWW.

  38. rhoda says:

    Also semi-OT but Violet, what do you think of this?

    we will address underlying causes of hunger by investing in everything from better seeds to insurance for small farmers

    Call me paranoid but to me, “better seed” = code for genetically modified seed. Which, yeah, I’m fucking opposing. The one thing that puts me off about both Clintons is that they are in Monsanto’s pocket.

  39. Nessum says:

    “Germany’s most popular women’s magazine is banning professional models from its pages and replacing them with images of “real life” women instead.”
    http://tinyurl.com/ydvmdwx

  40. Myytinmurtaja says:

    Femina: I agree on Hefner.

    And the same goes for Homer.

    (Also, I can’t believe Playboys’ new CEO is apparently named Flanders.)

  41. yttik says:

    I’ve become all cynical about the Simpson porn. If we’re going to regard women as two dimensional objects, why not just go for the gold and find an actual two dimensional woman to objectify?

  42. SarahG says:

    What this says to me (among other things) is that his clothes make EVERYONE look fat, even if they’re a size 4. Really, isn’t this an indictment of Ralph Lauren as a designer (among other things)?

    The other thing that struck me is that the model is 23 years old. Does she look 23 to you? She looks about 35 to me. I bet she looked 23 when she started working for them at 15. I think even more than the whole fat issue, I resent the way young girls are made to look older.

  43. yttik says:

    I think the entire fashion industry should be sunk in the ocean.

    http://news.yahoo.com/nphotos/Most-Emailed-Photos/ss/1756/im:/091006/482/d00785f4ff5243838a1aef61f037b478/

  44. Violet says:

    Nessum, that’s a cool move by the German mag. I wonder though if they’ll photoshop the real women?

  45. Rude question about Meghan McCain’s boobs | Reclusive Leftist says:

    [...] feminist bases, I’m now going to indulge my curiosity and ask the group at large (including everyone in Finland — hei, ystävyys kotona Suomi!) the thing I’ve been wondering ever since I saw [...]

  46. Aaltopahvia says:

    Is everyone here Finnish except me?

    Oh yeas. I mean: kyllä. We’re all lefties here in Finland.

    Ps. It’s always a good thing to be tagged by a Finn.

  47. Nessum says:

    Oh, I’m sure they will Violet! Photoshop that is.
    “Au naturel” just doesn’t sell!

    (E.g. look how actresses who chose (have the courage!) to age naturally are acknowledged by the movie industry: They’re shot like what equals former days use of vaseline on the lens!)

  48. Nessum says:

    Re Brigitte’s decision to use non-models, other women’s magazine editors were asked whether they would follow suit.

    A young, blond, emaciated editor of one of the European editions of Elle (no not the Finnish one!) explained why not:

    The readers want to look like models themselves. Maybe they won’t get there tomorrow, but at least they have the belief that next week, or the week after that, they have put in those 2 or 3 extra workouts, so now their bodies are a little bit more slender and therefore the clothes fit a little bit better.

    In other words: Make the body fit the clothes not the clothes fit the body. Mmmk!