While you were busy catching up on the Michael-Jackson-still-dead news
Perceptive commenter Modem XX writes:
I’m just wondering what went on in D.C. today while everyone was distracted by the deaths of Farrah and Michael.
Oh, nothing much. Just a love note from the White House that they’re putting together a new Executive Order giving President God the right to indefinitely detain anybody he feels like indefinitely detaining:
Obama Considers Order on Detention
I understand the order also comes with a giant set of gold epaulettes.
Which reminds me: didn’t Michael Jackson wear epaulettes? Why yes, he did. Perhaps if we highlight that angle we can get the media to cover the fricking story.
You know, I was as shocked as anybody by Jackson’s death. He died young, and that’s sad. His whole goddamn life was sad. Huge talent, even huger fucked-upedness. Sad.
What I didn’t realize, however, and which I am just now starting to grasp, is that Michael Jackson was not just a gifted popstar, not just a tragically crazy recluse. He was, in fact, the most important person who has ever lived.
The truth started to dawn on me late Thursday, when Beyonce was quoted as saying that Michael Jackson was the most important figure in the entire history of music. This surprised me. But even Beyonce, bless her, had not yet grasped the full import of Jackson’s life.
Unlike the Beatles, Michael Jackson really was bigger than Jesus. His life was epochal. World history will be dated from his death. As we speak, MSNBC is in talks to change its name to the Michael Jackson National Broadcasting Corporation. The Washington Post will become The Michael Jackson Post. The state of Indiana is expected to change its name to Jacksoniana, though a minority faction is pushing for just “Michael.” Vast stretches of the Amazon rain forest are being dedicated to the eternal memory of Michael Jackson. A galaxy will be named after him.
And from now on, everything to be reported on or discussed in public must be tied in some way to Michael Jackson. Google News (soon to be re-christened Michael Jackson Google News) is already in gear. The protesters in Iran: have they ever heard any Michael Jackson songs? The governor of South Carolina, King David: which does he prefer, early Jackson 5-era Michael or the later, Thriller Michael? Or god help us, The Wiz? Swine flu: are Michael Jackson fans at greater risk of contracting the virus as they gather for memorial services?
Personally I’m excited to witness the dawn of a new era in world history. Takes my mind off things.
24 Responses to “While you were busy catching up on the Michael-Jackson-still-dead news”
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Lynnerkat says:
Maybe I somehow missed it, but has the other “icon never to be seen seen again” (aka The One) given his take on the loss of the KOP? He was talented and screwy- and given more lee-way than a lot of us are given. That said, RIP. Michael.
June 27th, 2009 at 1:01 am EST -
Gender2010 says:
The One has given his opinion on Michael’s passing. Apparently while he was trying to figure out a way to detain terrorists indefinitely. Is Kool-Aid painful when it starts to run thin?
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Sameol says:
The One also sent condolences to MJ’s parents. No word on whether the WH observed the Congressional moment of silence.
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sarah says:
What is the reason for this “preventive detention” having to be on U.S. soil, and how hard would it be, once prisons like this are established here, to utter a subsequent executive order expanding them to U.S. citizens and legal residents? Scary.
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Modem XX says:
Just an Executive Order that anyone can be indefinitely detained? I thought they’d get up to more than that while the media was using Michael’s death to pump their ratings. This could turn into a Princess Di style grief orgy.
Did Letterman tell jokes about Michael and Farrah?
Just wondering. Yes, I’m cynical. -
SYD says:
Wow. Obama’s tenure as the most important figure in history was short enough, wasn’t it?
Honestly, I prefer MJ to BO. S I am not complaining.
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Nora says:
Oh, that’s the reason. I thought there was a contest to see who can say the most aggrandizing comment about Jackson. Entertainers are royalty, so I’m told.
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samanthasmom says:
While the One was considering detaining people indefinitely, and the radio was only playing songs by the Other One, I was spending the day among the alpacas. I didn’t know that farmers use alpacas and llamas to protect their goats and sheep from wild animals. They are fiercely protective of the smaller guys and will even stomp on coyotes. I also found out that alpacas can be “litter box” trained. Apparently they like to poop in the same place every day. It makes it easy for the farmers to use their waste as fertilizer. There’s nothing like a day spent among animals and three-year-olds when each can touch and be touched.
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Sis says:
But the articles say he has to do this, because of Congress. First couple sentences. Congress is making him do it.
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pm317 says:
the WaPo news alert last night read:
“White House Drafts Executive Order to Hold Detainees Indefinitely”
now the article title reads:
“White House Weighs Order on Detention”(Big 0 intervention?)
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bluelyon says:
Yeah, Congress would so harsh his mellow!
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kenoshaMarge says:
Don’t worry SYD, Obama is still the most important “living” person. Feel better now? ;)
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Sweet(MIchael Jackson) Sue says:
Very funny, Dr. Socks.
The death of the greatest man who ever lived is taking up almost the entire front page of CNN’s web site for the third day in a row. -
Sweet(MIchael Jackson) Sue says:
BTW, I could never figure out if Michael Jackson was going for the Prince Charming look or the dictator of a Latin American country look.
And what did he have against his right hand and where did he get that voice? -
sister of ye says:
Does this mean we’re finally going to be free of the yearly media grief orgies on the anniversary of Elvis’ death? Or are we going to have two “kings” whose deaths we’re supposed to mourn endlessly?
*sigh* You know, you just can’t be cynical enough.
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AM says:
Thanks Violet. The newscasters following pied piper’s body’s progress sounded as though they were channeling the newscasters following the progress of JFK’s body when he was killed.
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Jeff says:
Other news? How ’bout the Cap and Trade circus? What’s a few trillion among friends?
Unique bill - completely screws everyone equally.
Between that, detainment, and Michael, I think we’ve pretty much shot the pre-4th weekend all to hell.
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ekittyglendower says:
Did Michael Jackson die?
Oh Violet, I love reading your posts when you are wearing your humorously cynical hat.It warms my cynical heart.
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lambert strether says:
How about the laughingly named “Democratic Change Commission”? Did anybody find out where it was held, and, if so, what happened?
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FLAConnie says:
Gosh, and I naively thought that Gov. Sanford had MJ killed to change the news cycle and divert attention away from his indiscretions.
All it takes is a REAL tragedy to bring us together as one voice: MJ’s death, and stopping NEW Coke. Climate change, stolen elections, Darfur, Iraq, Afghanistan, poisoned water & air - by comparison, these are only minor inconveniences compared to the loss of the greatest living person in the history of the world (she said sarcastically).
Thanks, Violet, for helping us keep things in perspective.
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Beet says:
This is why I don’t (regularly) watch cable news.
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Beet says:
Actually, one of many reasons.
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Hedgepig says:
It’s been three days and Michael Jackson is STILL dead??
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Richard Aubrey says:
Crap. Each day, about a thousand veterans of WW II die. And this clown gets the ink.
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