The Secret Ballot
“Obama,” she said to the pollster. “We think Obama is the best candidate to turn this country around.” She and her husband had discussed it endlessly. Clinton was too centrist, too loaded with baggage, too much of the same old thing. Obama was the new, fresh hope that the country could rally around.
“Obama,” she said to the people at work. “He’s the most electable. If he’s on the ticket he’ll beat any Republican they put up. You can’t say that about Hillary. Could Hillary really win against somebody like McCain? But you just know Obama would take it in a landslide. If the Democrats want to take back the White House, he’s the best bet.”
“Obama,” she said to their friends over dinner as her husband nodded. “Of course I would love to see a woman president, but what matters is who’s the best candidate.”
“Obama,” she said to the leaflet people as she and her husband arrived to cast their votes in the primary. “We’re voting for Obama.”
Inside the booth she closed the curtain behind her. The ballot was the AccuVote kind, with a blank oval next to each candidate’s name. She looked at the list.
I HEREBY DECLARE MY PREFERENCE FOR CANDIDATE FOR THE OFFICE OF PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES TO BE AS FOLLOWS:
She thought about the first time she’d ever paid attention to a presidential election, the first time she’d been old enough to care, though not yet old enough to vote. 1972, the year of George McGovern, the year of Nixon’s landslide, the year of Shirley Chisholm. A woman running for president! She’d been thrilled, though most people treated it as a kind of stunt. A lady president? What was that, the punchline to a joke?
“JOE” BIDEN
Wilmington, Delaware
She thought about when her high school social studies class had debated the woman-for-president issue. It was wildly theoretical, of course, like time travel; that was understood. But it was a good workout for the students’ thinking skills. She remembered sitting in the little plastic chair in the stifling room usually used for band practice while earnest acne-faced boys talked about women’s emotionalism and the monthly unreliability which could lead to a menstrually-induced nuclear holocaust, so at the very least female candidates should be required to be post-menopausal — ah, but then there was the hot flash problem too, couldn’t those continue intermittently for years?
RICHARD EDWARD CALIGIURI
Wilkinsburg, Pennsylvania
She thought about the TV shows she’d watched when she was a kid, the episode of Bob Newhart where Emily had to ask Bob’s permission to go back to work. And All in the Family, when Gloria became a feminist and Mike went nuts, screaming “take my pants! just take my pants!” and the studio audience roared. She’d watched that episode in the living room, sprawled on her stomach the way she always watched TV, banging her bare feet up and down on the carpet. She thought about her own first job, where all the women in the office were expected to fetch coffee for all the men. Her first day at work and the boss had called her into his office and she was ready, ready for some big important task, ready to show what she could do, and he said “black with a teaspoon of sugar,” and then he smiled.
KENNETH A. CAPALBO
South Kingstown, Rhode Island
She thought about the stupid old man who’d refused to hire her because “young married girls like you just get pregnant and leave,” and how she’d sat in her car after the interview, defeated and furious. She thought about the job she did get, and what happened there, and how years later she’d exploded when her father said Anita Hill was lying because if a woman was really being harassed she’d just quit, right?
In 1984 she’d gone to the polls to vote for Ferraro — that was what it had been in her mind, voting for Ferraro, not Mondale — even though everybody knew that idiot Reagan would win. The ERA was dead but at least there was a woman on the ticket, even if it was just for vice-president. It was something.
HILLARY CLINTON
Chappaqua, New York
She thought about the day the Clintons won — the Clintons, plural, because that’s what it was. Before it all went insane, before the right-wing crazies ground the country to a halt out of sheer spite, before Whitewater and Kenneth Starr and Lewinsky, before all that: there was hope. She’d loved Hillary, loved her for being a feminist, loved her for her brilliance, loved her for standing up to the press. Damn right you didn’t want to stay home and bake cookies; damn right. You tell ‘em.
“RANDY” CROW
Kelly, North Carolina
“CHRIS” DODD
East Haddam, Connecticut
JOHN EDWARDS
Chapel Hill, North Carolina
Everybody said Hillary had compromised too much, just like Bill, anything to win. But it wasn’t the same, not at all. Hillary had been playing a different game altogether, a game men didn’t understand, a game that maybe some younger women didn’t understand either. All the compromises, the curtseys to the Man, the power suits, the toning-it-down, the polite smiles, the endless pressure to be strong enough for a man but soft enough for a woman, like some kind of goddamned SuperWoman deodorant — jesus, wasn’t that what they’d all done, every single woman of that generation? Hillary had started out as Rodham but had to take her husband’s name so she wouldn’t scare the rubes; been there, sister. “She really needs to tone down that aggressive feminist stuff, it turns people off,” said the pundits. Been there, sister. “The reason Bill cheats on her is because she’s so smart; men don’t like that,” people said. Been there, sister.
DENNIS J. KUCINICH
Cleveland, Ohio
DAL LAMAGNA
Poulsbo, Washington
“TOM” LAUGHLIN
Santa Rosa Valley, California
BARACK OBAMA
Chicago, Illinois
“The fact that Hillary’s a woman isn’t enough for me,” somebody had said. But it’s enough for me, she’d thought to herself. That wasn’t true, though, not really. No right-wing Republican woman would get her vote, ever. But Hillary was a Democrat, and she was a feminist, and she was a woman. I know it’s not supposed to matter but it does, goddamnit, it does. Her eyes welled up. I can’t help it. I’ve waited all my life for this.
“BILL” RICHARDSON
Santa Fe, New Mexico
O. SAVIOR
Minneapolis, Minnesota
MICHAEL SKOK
Cheektowaga, New York
She filled in the oval next to HILLARY CLINTON. No one would ever know.
“Could we ask you a couple of questions?” The exit pollsters smiled as she and her husband walked out to the parking lot. “Would you mind telling us who you voted for today?”
She smiled back, her arm resting on her husband’s. “Obama,” she said.
31 Responses to “The Secret Ballot”
-
Victoria says:
While I have no doubt that such a scenario is plausible (true confession: In 2000, after telling people that since I was in a certifiably Red State I would vote for Nader if those in swing states would PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE just vote for Gore - I actually did vote for Gore… so sue me, Nikki Craft) - Some coverage tonight on Olbermann along the lines of “the polls were accurate - it was the analysis that was dead wrong,” got my attention. The percentage of the vote Obama got was actually quite consistent with the votes he was projected to get; in all the polling, the “undecideds” were a huge percentage. So in theory, it could have been the “already undecideds” who finally went to Clinton at the last second.
That’s not at all to diminish her victory. I’m supporting Obama right now (really and truly!), but I cheered for her after New Hampshire, because she earned that, idiotic media-manufactured Crying Brouhahas notwithstanding.
January 10th, 2008 at 3:07 am EST -
grasshopper says:
Hi, been lurking here for a bit, just want to say I really enjoy your writing. I also admire the way you handle the occasional troll, you never seem to lose your cool. Is that a Southern thing by any chance?
Re the topic, I’m not especially savvy about politics, but one line struck me in your ’story’:
“Obama,” she said to their friends over dinner as her husband nodded. “Of course I would love to see a woman president, but what matters is who’s the best candidate.”
This makes me crazy! Why do so many progressive/liberal woman seem to feel as if we’ve got to play the holier-than-thou moral high ground card of choosing ‘the best candidate’? It’s not like the Republicans care who they put in there as long as he’s one of their own. Why do Democrats have to be so bloody-mindedly idealistic that we shoot ourselves in the foot??? I don’t get it. Just get a Democrat in there, any Democrat. It’s like the game has two separate sets of rules, one for them, another for us. Okay, I get that it’s more complicated than that, we have to have a front-runner who has at least a chance of attracting the fence-sitters and maybe siphoning off some Republicans. But still, the double-standards are galling.
And anyway I’m not persuaded (admittedly without much more than superficial study) that Obama’s any better. Hillary so impresses me with her toughness at having survived the years of Republican sniping with both her sanity and dignity intact that I’d almost vote for her just for that. You’d think women would relate to her for exactly the reason you describe, which is her successful navigation to the top of the heap while dancing in high heels and backward the whole way.
I wish everybody’d stop trying to make it sound like it’s irrelevant that she’s a woman. I mean, the first woman president! Ever! For crying out loud, how can women pretend that doesn’t matter? I just don’t get it. The selective application of high-mindedness seems to pretty conveniently (and transparently) support the status quo.
Wanna wanna wanna woman president!
(Sorry that got so long.)
-
Pippa says:
I hope hope hope! Pippa x
-
sam says:
A beautiful bit of feminist writing you’ve whipped up there, Haunter of the Booth.
-
sarah says:
i actually thought this was beautiful to read.
-
anna says:
A lovely bit of writing. But can I just take a moment to say how annoyed I am at the idea that women must have voted for Hillary because they felt sorry for the poor little girl in tears. First of all, if you know anything about Hillary you know she’s not a poor little girl. Second of all, God forbid the pollsters should be wrong and women in New Hampshire agreed with her policies, even if women in Iowa didn’t. No, those silly women must be voting out of pity. And never mind that while she was crying (if you can even call that crying) she was talking about how much the race meant to her. Could that be inspiring, the way some people vote for Obama because they are inspired by him? But nobody mentions that. If black people vote for Obama partly because he’s black, that’s understandable. But women who vote partly because Hillary’s a woman are Vagina Voters who don’t care about the issues at all.
-
Ann Bartow says:
Awesome.
I’m not sure how it relates to my thesis here:
http://feministlawprofs.law.sc.edu/?p=2795
But I KNOW it supports this:
http://feministlawprofs.law.sc.edu/?p=2785 -
The Ghost of Violet says:
I’m glad you all enjoyed the story. She (the character) popped into my head as I was driving home yesterday. I think a lot of women secretly are rooting for Hillary, even though they know they aren’t “supposed” to. Middle-aged women are so used to being shut down and stifled, their feminism tends to be covert. Shit, even younger women now are telling older women that it’s stupid to vote for Hillary.
Grasshopper, I don’t know about the Southern thing. If I keep my cool it’s more likely all the smack I shoot. (joke)
This makes me crazy! Why do so many progressive/liberal woman seem to feel as if we’ve got to play the holier-than-thou moral high ground card of choosing ‘the best candidate’?
It makes me crazy too. I loved Gloria Steinem’s piece in the NYT the other day; don’t know if you read it. She touched on the fact that younger women seem to be in denial about sexism. Oddly enough, I think that applies to younger feminists as well, even though as feminists they are far more alert to sexism than the average Jane. But I’ve seen so many young feminists say, “The goal of feminism is for gender not to matter and so I’m going to vote for the best candidate (who just happens to be a man).” I always want to say, YES, the feminist goal is for gender not to matter, but WE’RE NOT THERE YET. When a woman president is so routine it’s not even worth talking about, when a woman can run for president without hecklers demanding she iron their shirts, when a woman can run for president without the male media comparing her to a nagging shrew and running endless pictures of her wrinkles and ridiculing her for being an old bat and god knows what else — THEN we’ll have reached feminist nirvana and you can vote for whoever the hell you want. But dig it, kids: we’re not there yet.
Why do Democrats have to be so bloody-mindedly idealistic that we shoot ourselves in the foot??? I don’t get it. Just get a Democrat in there, any Democrat.
I tend to think that’s also a function of youth, the naive belief that each candidate’s vote on each issue is critically important and you have to choose the person who most matches you on the issues. I used to vote that way too. Once you’ve been through a few decades of presidential elections you realize it doesn’t work that way: you’re mostly just trying to get a Democrat in office who’s roughly acceptable, and what’s really critical is how well he or she is able to work the halls of power.
When I look at Obama I see a handsome man with charisma who’s been running for President his entire national career (3 years), and in that time he’s already managed to vote for the Patriot Act and pander to the godbags. I don’t think as President he’d necessarily be worse than Hillary, but I have no reason to believe he’d be better. They’re both Democrats and both the kind of politicians who are willing to compromise with the powers that be; Obama has fewer compromises on record because he’s hardly got any experience. But Hillary’s got tons of experience, and that woman knows how to work the system. And yes, her whole lifetime as a feminist means a hell of a lot to me.
-
The Ghost of Violet says:
Folks, I should explain that when I wrote this story I had not yet encountered the meme that women voted for Hillary out of sympathy for her tears. In my story, the woman identifies with Hillary as a feminist and as a woman. And that, I think, is true of many women in real life. I think there are a lot of women of a certain age who admire Hillary and identify with her and forgive her for a lot of compromising and posturing in her career because they’ve been there themselves. But these women know they aren’t “supposed” to feel that way, so they keep it to themselves.
-
nightgigjo says:
Thank you. I’m a younger woman than this person (the first election I remember is 1988, and the first one I could vote in was 2000), but I completely know what that’s like, as a liberal raised in a red state.
If I said I was voting for HRC at my grandmother’s house, I’d be castigated. I hide my affiliations still, even though I live in Liberal College Town now, and not in Republican Country.
-
kiuku says:
Proud Vagina Voter hell yea
-
flawedplan says:
What a wonderful and timely lesson. I saw my whole life play out up to the voting booth, including McGovern being the first campaign that started it all, and voting for and marching in the streets for Geraldine. I had a poster of Hilary on my wall for two years in the 90’s, with the knowing smile and gleam in her eye, and universal health care on the table.
But things have gotten complicated, she aint what she used to be, and I’m already beginning to have dreams, where I’ll look for guidance about what I really think and feel, and once I know that, will follow my heart without apology.
I learned in first grade that women couldn’t be President, and vowed then and there that I would not leave this planet til I see that happen. This story touched me so much.
-
blondie says:
Great story. My eyes even welled up at one point in my reading, but I guess that’s just my “weak” feminine side coming out. I had been wishy-washy about Hillary Clinton, myself, based upon her positions on U.S. international issues/war, but I’m convinced.
There has been too much anti-woman stuff, too prevalent in the United States, for too long, to the detriment of too many women, to let this one chance slip away.
-
blondie says:
Sorry for the serial posts, but I also loved this line —
“Obama,” she said to the pollster. “We think Obama is the best candidate to turn this country around.”
The “we” part gets to me. Even now, even here, a wife’s view is too often subsumed into what “we” think.
-
Broce says:
I’m 49, probably about the same age as the woman in the story. I’ve been supporting Edwards, and will probably vote for him in the primary.
HOWEVER…this story made me feel a whole lot of pride and identification, and a whole lot better about Hillary Clinton. Should Edwards drop out before my state’s primary, I will be backing her with a very much clearer conscience than I would have a week ago.
Yeah. She *is* a woman. And yeah, that *does* matter.
-
Linkmeister says:
Wow. Really really wonderful writing.
-
Xopher says:
Wow. That’s amazing and wonderful. But then I think Clinton is the best candidate anyway.
-
pericat says:
You nailed it.
-
faithless says:
Beautiful and strong. I am an Obama supporter, but this piece really made me wonder if I may not have the same change of heart when I’m in that booth come Super Tuesday. And I am a 24 year old ‘man’ (though technically I do not ascribe to any gender). I think what this piece meant for me was the unspoken power democracies can give to their people so that they can assert control in this very small way - a control that has been so systematically taken away from so many people. A couple of questions though:
1)Do you really think that the election of Clinton will suddenly uproot sexism from the American landscape?
2)In her latest book, ‘Memo to the President Elect’, Madeline Albright stresses how difficult it will be for whoever is next to clean up the mess left by GWB. If Hillary comes to power and fails to be successful at bringing America back, will this not reflect on all subsequent women candidates?
Everyday I am confused again on who to vote for, but at least we are having more fun than the Republicans and their hilarious choices!
-
The Ghost of Violet says:
1)Do you really think that the election of Clinton will suddenly uproot sexism from the American landscape?
No. Nor do I think the election of Obama would suddenly uproot racism from the American landscape.
I do think the election of the first woman president would stand as a powerful symbol of our society’s progress, and a beacon of hope to all girls and women. And to all people who yearn for the day when sex and race and body shape and all that nonsense are no barrier to achievement.
I also think, from a purely pragmatic standpoint, that it would get the question out of the way finally so we can be free to draw from the entire pool of talent for our leaders, not just the penis-bearing half of the population. There are a lot of women in this country with a lot to offer, and we need all the help we can get.
2)In her latest book, ‘Memo to the President Elect’, Madeline Albright stresses how difficult it will be for whoever is next to clean up the mess left by GWB. If Hillary comes to power and fails to be successful at bringing America back, will this not reflect on all subsequent women candidates?
Yes, I think any failures or errors made by Hillary (or whoever the first woman president is) will be attributed to her womanly inadequacy and will be used by sexists to prove that women are incompetent.
And that will always be true, no matter what the mess is or who left it. So there’s no reason to hold off on electing a woman, because there will always be some mess to clean up and whatever goes wrong with the first woman president will always be blamed on female inadequacy. We just have to push through that.
-
marc sobel says:
Great story, I sent it to one of my best friends. What I love about the “tears” media narrative was that the two days before NH the story was: “Hillary too emotional to be president”. The story after the election was “Hillary faked tears” Reminds me of a great Bill story:
The Pope (not the Hitler Youth one) and Bill were in a rowboat and the oars slipped out. The Pope was about to go for them when Bill said, “No, You are the spiritual leader of hundreds of millions of people and much older than I am. Let me go.” He then walked on the water over to the oars, picked them up and walked on the water back and rowed to shore. The next day the headlines were “Clinton Can’t Swim.”
-
kiuku says:
GOV + Faithless,
I went to grade school in the 80’s…and High school in the 90’s. A woman president was -still- a theoretical discussion. And I can remember how incredibly annoying the “debate” was and why it was even a debatable topic. All the men and boys spouted the intolerable sexism that we still see today. I love to watch the misogynist bastards squirm as a woman president gets closer to reality. Nothing will stop me from voting for Hillary.
-
Nancy says:
This is crazy. How can it possibly promote women to elect someone who is deceitful and self-centered? Hillary Clinton is not the role model I want for myself or my daughters. I want a woman president. Other countries, including India for pete’s sake, have had women leaders. How backwards is the United States? But I don’t want someone who will cause women to be degraded because she is incompetent, mean, dishonest. I want a real women who represents me with good attributes.
-
The Ghost of Violet says:
Nancy, I’m pretty sure Hillary Clinton is a real woman.
I disagree strongly that she is incompetent, mean, and dishonest.
But consider, if women’s position is so tenuous that Hillary’s attributes (whatever they are) will automatically be extended to apply to all women, then we sure are in trouble. Haven’t progressed much at all. Christ, we’re still not even considered individual human beings.
I’d say it’s past time to elect a woman to the White House.
-
Linda Johnson says:
I wish I wrote this. I graduated high school in 1971 and feel like I did write this.
I forwarded it to my husband this morning so he can read where I’ve been coming from.
Wonderful short story…thanks.
-
De Friedman says:
The story annoyed me and frustrated me at the same time. Women should be able to speak their minds in any situation, not keeping their opinions “scret.” My tennis group is made up of “rabid” Republicans who tolerate no confrontations. I have learned not to argue with them other than to state my opinions. I’m voting for Hillary!!!
-
Shirley says:
Hilary will be no better and no worse than any man on the running sheet. Margaret Thatcher was no angel but by God she turned Great Britain around because she was prepared to look at the national good and make hard, unpopular decisions.
Great Britain, Canada, Israel, India, Turkey, Philipines, New Zealand … all of these countries and more have elected women leaders … in Australia we have just elected a woman as Vice to the Prime Minister, our top job, and also within the party in opposition. Two women are a heartbeat away from Prime Minister, for the first time.
Come on American women … have some pride, think of your daughters. Too many men will not vote for Hillary ‘because she’s a woman’ … yet you know she is a shrewd, experienced, political animal, and she has guts and dignity: let’s stop making her ambition a dirty word. Do you think the men are not ambitious, or is it simply not a sin for them? -
simply wondered says:
Margaret Thatcher was no angel but by God she turned Great Britain around because she was prepared to look at the national good and make hard, unpopular decisions.
you just put that in to get me going - was this you posting under an alias, vi? i hope that thor (or whoever this blog votes for god this week) manages to find a thunderbolt for hilary if she would do to the us what thatcher did to britain. you know i don’t actually like the us as a concept, but nobody deserves thatcher.
-
The Ghost of Violet says:
you just put that in to get me going - was this you posting under an alias, vi?
No, but I was waiting for you to see it. I imagine you’ll unleash the British Israelists on me again in retribution.
Shirley, I agree wholeheartedly with you about women leaders in general, as do most of the readers here, I’m sure. But I doubt that many of my UK friends will share your opinion that Thatcher’s policies were good for Britain. They seem to feel about Thatcher the way I feel about Reagan and Dubya combined.
-
julia says:
Excellent piece- Violet, how do you come up w/ this stuff day after day?
I agree that Hillary Clinton will be as good or better than any man running, now that Dennis K. has bowed down. After re-reading the late, great Clara Fraser last night, I was reminded why I will support Hillary but vote for Cynthia McKinney - I’m not a liberal! A third party has to start somewhere, and I am tired of the system that doen’t care about us and never will.
Clara Fraser was one of the founders of the Freedom Socialist Party and Radical Women, and did a lot to help poor women and women of color. -
simply wondered says:
julia - thanks for making me aware of clara - had never heard of her before. apart from her work, she sounds an amazing character. funny how american feminists and socialists don’t get much press… (not much better in the uk so i can’t be smug). no surprise either a radical from a jewish background in those times - same again in uk, particularly in the east end of london when they bore the brunt of the 30s fascist riots inspired by moseley - not to mention the general atmosphere of poverty for the newest wave of european jewish immigrants (as opposed to those who had been enjoying good old british oppression since the c14th). good to remember whenever people start in on jews and judaism in general.
thanks again and i hope i’ll learnm more about this
