Our new religion already has its first carol!

Friday, December 21st, 2007 · 12 Comments »

I know we’re still creating the religion, but I can’t hold off on this: the Rev. B. Dagger Lee has already composed our first carol. It seems the Rev. Lee is a Charles Wesley type, combining song-writing with preaching. In truth I don’t think she actually had our new religion in mind when she wrote this, but as soon as I saw it (on another board) I begged her to let me co-opt it.

Voilà:

“The Little Hummer Toy”

Spend they told me,
pa rum pum pum pum.
A new charge card, low fee,
pa rum pum pum pum.
Cash registers CA-CHING!
Pa rum pum pum pum.
They take the dough we fling,
pa rum pum pum pum,
rum pum pum pum,
rum pum pum pum.
So our wages go,
pa rum pum pum pum.
We are numb.

Little dollar,
pa rum pum pum pum.
Is destroyed by now,
pa rum pum pum pum.
I have no say-ay-vings!
Pa rum pum pum pum.
To feed me in the spring,
pa rum pum pum pum
rum pum pum pum
rum pum pum pum.
Shall I go bankrupt?
Pa rum pum pum pum,
or steal some?

Cheney nodded,
pa rum pum pum pum.
He took my last last dime,
pa rum pum pum pum.
I prayed the bum would burn!
Pa rum pum pum pum.
I prayed the tide would turn,
pa rum pum pum pum
rum pum pum pum
rum pum pum pum.
Then he cursed at me,
pa rum pum pum pum.
And called me scum.

–The Obtusely Rev. B. Dagger Lee

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12 Responses to “Our new religion already has its first carol!”

  1. me, me, me says:

    Fantastic. I nominate BDL as our first Saint. Or do we need a new word there, maybe.

  2. The Ghost of Violet says:

    I think “Cheney nodded” is the line that elevates it from sublime to stratospheric. My heart grew three sizes at that one.

    Saint is good, because it just means sacred, right? Actually I wanted BDL to be our new pope, but then I realized that I’m the pope. Or mope.

  3. B. Dagger Lee says:

    I would prefer John the Baptist-type prophet status since I’m inclined towards nudity and raving, locusts and honey.

  4. B. Dagger Lee says:

    I feel the CA-CHING! should be italicized.

  5. Jodie says:

    Couldn’t BDL be coPope? I’d think a pope inclined toward nudity, raving, locusts, and honey would be far preferable to any other kind.

  6. The Ghost of Violet says:

    Italics added.

    Y’all are really into the locusts, eh? Guess that blows my idea that this religion should discourage the eating of animals.

  7. me, me, me says:

    It’s good. The Mope and the Pope. I like it. Where’s the flock by the way? You know; those sheep who keep going astray and stuff. Yoo hoo! Simp?!?

    And if this Pope gets rap music, I get fur booties. Or is this an equatorial religion? If I can’t have fur booties, our religion will be atmospherically controlled. That means we don’t need fire either right because well we don’t need warm or meat. Gads this changes things a lot. No cinnamon buns. Are we raw food eaters then? Blech. I’m starting a Reformed branch right now.

  8. The Ghost of Violet says:

    No, no, yeast aren’t animals. We can have lots of cinnamon buns. In fact, I think cinnamon buns should be our communion wafers. Wouldn’t that be fabulous? Take communion with a big honking cinnamon bun with glaze!

    And no, this isn’t an equatorial religion. Actually if I could I would pass a law that the temperature can never go above 72 degrees, but even the Mope doesn’t really have that kind of control over space and time.

  9. me, me, me says:

    The yeast for the cinnamon buns; the Holy Spirit. Oh I’m in heaven. Aren’t I?

  10. me, me, me says:

    I’d like to know what the name of our religion is so when people say !Merry Christmas! and ask if I’m ready for Christmas and I say I don’t do Christmas and they look shocked and stagger back and stammer a bit then gather themselves up all recovered and in a hearty voice answer oh but you’re spiritual I can say Whatsit. Hurray. It’s getting real bad.

  11. MG says:

    B. Dagger Lee says:

    I would prefer John the Baptist-type prophet status since I’m inclined towards nudity and raving, locusts and honey.

    Oh wow – that image made my solstice right there. :)

    On the subject of titles, wouldn’t Mome be more suitable? With a supporting cast of Aquamarines, perhaps?

  12. Cero says:

    Excellent! :-)