I’ve figured it out: the Bush Administration is a play by Ionesco
Fact: Presidential Speech Factsheets From The White House Use Many, Many Capital Letters!
A Play in One Act
The Scene: The War Room. The space is littered with empty pretzel bags. A gigantic sensory deprivation tank occupies the center of the room. President Bush floats inside, wearing a suit. Attached to his head are electrodes trailing corroded wires.
Chorus of Advisers: Sir, your approval rating is down to 29%. You’re in Nixon territory.
Bush: I Am Not A Crook.
Chorus of Advisers: It’s Iraq. The public thinks it’s turning into another Vietnam.
Bush: Tell Iraq It Doesn’t Get To Be Vietnam. It Has To Keep Being Iraq. We Already Have A Vietnam.
Chorus of Advisers: Yes sir.
Bush: Little Countries Are Tricky.
Chorus of Advisers: Yes sir. Sir, actually, it’s the war. The public thinks the war in Iraq is like the war in Vietnam.
Bush: We Left Vietnam Too Soon!
John Kerry: We?
Bush: If We Hadn’t Left Vietnam Al-Qaeda Wouldn’t Have Killed All Those Boat People!
Tony Snow: (to the Advisers) Is that going to be in the speech?
Bush: Al-Qaeda Killed A Million Cambodians In Vietnam! Sam Waterston Movie.
Laura Bush: Netflix.
Robert Dallek: Actually, the Cambodian killing fields were the result of our prolonged and ill-advised intervention in Southeast Asia, which destabilized the entire region and laid the groundwork for the rise of the Khmer Rouge. Similarly, the crisis in Iraq is the result of our occupation of that country, and our continued presence not only exacerbates the situation but serves as a focal point for regional–
Secret Service Agents: Okay, let’s go, buddy.
Bush: And Then Al-Qaeda Took Over Iraq!
Juan Cole: Al-Qaeda didn’t have anything to do with Iraq before we invaded.
Bush: Japan Used To Be Like Al-Qaeda. Then We Bombed Them. Now They Make Comic Books.
Chorus of Advisers: Uh, Mr. President…
Japanese Ambassador: What the fuck did he just say?
Bush: Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
Dick Cheney: Fuck!
Bush: I’m A War President!
Chorus of Advisers: Yes sir.
Bush: If We Have To Bomb Korea To Save The Cambodians In Iraq, Then Bring It On!
Chorus of Advisers: Sir, we agreed we’d hit Iran next.
Bush: We Don’t Have Relations With Iran On The Table. They Could Proliferate.
Ghost of Nixon: We take this action not for the purpose of expanding the war into Cambodia, but for the purpose of ending the war in Vietnam and winning the just peace we all desire. We will continue to make every possible effort to end this war through negotiation at the conference table rather than through more fighting on the battlefield.
Dick Cheney: Mein Führer! I can walk!
Bush: Hey, I’m The Commander Guy!
Kos: Did I mention I was in the Army?
12 Responses to “I’ve figured it out: the Bush Administration is a play by Ionesco”
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Infidel says:
Peter Lore: Master, If we drop a nuclear bomb on them they’ll surrender just like Japan. Then we can establish a democracy just like Japan.
Sydney Greenstreet: Hrrumph! Not at all George. Hrrumph! hrrumph! Cover them with glue, what kind of war do you think we have here? Hrrumph! Cover them all with glue.
August 24th, 2007 at 8:27 am EST -
Violet says:
I hope you’re happy. I had an apoplexy and died shortly after posting this, which is exactly what I warned you could happen. There I was, shooting smack and reading Heidegger, minding my own business, when the accumulated angst of having had to think about Shrub suddenly made my internal thingies burst.
So I’m dead now. So there.
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j0lt says:
Are the internal thingies located near the spleen?
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Violet says:
I’m not sure. All that corporeal stuff is so irrelevant now, it’s hard to even keep it straight. I’m spirit.
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B. Dagger Lee says:
Quick! Shoot some meth and read some Gertrude Stein! And get that dog some Viagra!
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Victoria says:
Brilliant! Only you could make this shit as funny as this. (The Kos ending was quite satisfying, I must say.) Bravo, and hope you return to a corporeal state ASAP.
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a louis wain cat says:
This post is brilliant, and I’m surprised no one has done this before. I mean, when it comes to descriptions of the reign of Our Beloved Great Leader And Teacher, very few are more appropriate than “Theatre of the Absurd.”
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Gumbercules says:
Delightfully reminiscent of “Infinite Jest”. MMmm…..”Infinite Jest” [rereads for 1,000,000th time]
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Gumbercules says:
Ooh, and I missed Jack McCoy on the first visual pass. That’ll teach me to shotgun Coronas all afternoon.
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Infidel says:
What an unprecedented Confusion. Still it makes one realize the truth of the American dream- that anyone can become president.
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Infidel says:
Alberto Gonzales in the spotlight with his nomination and demise embodied “Improvisation, the Shepherd’s Chameleon”, Rumsfield was the “Man with Bags”, Abramoff- “Jack, the Sumbission”…of phony one million invoice to tribal client with Greenberg misspelled, “The New Tenant”(Tenet) Porter Goss of course, “Victims of Duty”-you guess, duh. “The Leader”, Karl Rove, and “The Future in Eggs” obviously the comments to Lehrer’s news hour that we’ve got to keep that Iraq egg from fully cracking. So you see it isn’t just one Ionescu play, it is all of them.
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Infidel says:
In Sydney to attend the annual Asia-Pacific Economic Co-operation forum (Apec), a 21-nation group of Pacific Rim countries whose economies account for nearly half of all global trade, Mr Bush first referred to the group as Opec, the cartel of major oil producers.
