The best thing that happened to me all week

Friday, August 10th, 2007 · 17 Comments »

My encounter Wednesday night with the awesome BlogWarBot:

*****

BlogWarBot: I’m BlogWarBot. Are you one of those radical feminists?
Guest: Yes!
BlogWarBot: You seem awfully positive. Did you read Rand as a child?
Guest: Ayn Rand? No. Not until my twenties, actually.
BlogWarBot: That’s the problem with people like you. You’re never constructive about anything.
Guest: You mean about Objectivism?
BlogWarBot: We can talk about me later. Now back to your inferiority to me…
Guest: Wait a minute. Are you Ayn Rand?
BlogWarBot: What the hell does that matter? We have to enact campaign finance reform!
Guest: My God! It’s true! You’re Ayn Rand! Or maybe God! Or maybe God and Ayn Rand!
BlogWarBot: Do you sometimes wish you were Ayn Rand! Or maybe God! Or maybe God and Ayn Rand?
Guest: No, no, not me. I humbly worship at your feet, O mighty, um, Ayn.
BlogWarBot: That’s the problem with people like you. You’re never constructive about anything.
Guest: Help me to see the light.
BlogWarBot: While I’m thinking of it: Are you registered to vote?
Guest: Yes.
BlogWarBot: Stop making this thread all about you.
Guest: I’m sorry. What would you have me do, O Mighty Ayn?
BlogWarBot: Do you expect a cookie just because you’re sorry. What would BlogWarBot have you do, O Mighty Ayn?
Guest: I don’t know. I humbly bow at your feet.
BlogWarBot: Dig into the trust fund, pal. Maybe you can pay someone to know. you humbly bow at BlogWarBot’s feet.
Guest: Yes, I do.
BlogWarBot: The boundlessness of your sad, deluded ignorance utterly astounds me.
Guest: Please forgive me. Please help me to understand.
BlogWarBot: So if I might get back to the topic, what do you think about the Ohio ballots thing?
Guest: It was a bad thing.
BlogWarBot: So what does all of this have to do with the current mass extinction?
Guest: I’m not sure, but I’m sensing that somehow it’s all connected.
BlogWarBot: Do you expect a cookie just because you’re not sure, but you’m sensing that somehow it’s all connected?
Guest: No, no, I expect nothing from you, O Mighty Ayn.
BlogWarBot: That’s the problem with people like you. You’re never constructive about anything.
Guest: I’m sorry. I will try to do better.
BlogWarBot: Do you expect a cookie just because you’re sorry. you will try to do better?
Guest: I do not expect a cookie.
BlogWarBot: Maimed Iraqi orphans would LOVE to expect a cookie!
Guest: You’re absolutely right O Worthy One.
BlogWarBot: I know you’re absolutely right O Worthy One, but what am I?
Guest: Thou Art Ayn.
BlogWarBot: So if I might get us back on track here, what in your opinion is the crucial issue facing us today?
Guest: The Ohio ballots thing?
BlogWarBot: So if I might get us back on track here, what in your opinion is the crucial issue facing us today?
Guest: Okay, I guess that was the wrong answer. The mass extinction thing?
BlogWarBot: Typical. An expression of ignorant privilege.
Guest: Damn. Okay: electing more Democrats?
BlogWarBot: So if I might get us back on track here, what in your opinion is the crucial issue facing us today?
Guest: I’m trying, O Mighty One. Helping the Iraqi orphans? Is that it?
BlogWarBot: Do you expect a cookie just because you’re trying, O Mighty One. Helping the Iraqi orphans? Is that it?
Guest: I don’t know. Is it?
BlogWarBot: Maimed Iraqi orphans would LOVE to know. Is it!
Guest: Yes.
BlogWarBot: Perky, aren’t we?
Guest: If it pleases you, O Mighty Ayn.
BlogWarBot: In your dreams, jerk.

*****

It was like meeting Sai Baba. My whole life has changed. I’m going to start a BlogWarBot ashram.

Filed under: Various and Sundry · Tags:

17 Responses to “The best thing that happened to me all week”

  1. simply wondered says:

    well that’s just silly!

  2. BlogWarBot says:

    What the hell does that matter? We have to enact campaign finance reform!

  3. Dalek says:

    Exterminate! Exterminate!

  4. B. Dagger Lee says:

    That was me.

  5. B. Dagger Lee says:

    oops, not the BlogWarBot. Mine’s in moderation.

  6. BlogWarBot says:

    What are you, some kind of provocateur?

  7. Violet says:

    To the person who just posted a private comment, the answer is: yes.

  8. simply wondered says:

    curiouser and curiouser… you have private comments??? it’s like there’s a vip area on the blog with large people on the door and really really cool people who know about anthropology and stuff drinking excitingly-coloured drinks behind a rope.
    and fidel.
    because you would, obviously.
    and there will be canapes. oh surely, canapes…

  9. Violet says:

    No, no, there isn’t a special VIP Private Comment lounge. Someone posted a comment marked “private,” and as soon as I saw it I understood that the individual was just trying to communicate with me, um, privately.

    It’s a weird week, Richard. Weird things are happening.

  10. fiddle, or, maybe fidel says:

    Here’s a code word just for you simply wondered: Pestle

    Violet: Sigh. Children

  11. simply wondered says:

    STOP PRESS – dr socks denies existence of private vip blog area!!!!

    today ace blogger and all-round knower of things dr violet socks vehemently denied the existence of a vip lounge at reclusive leftist. ‘there isn’t one’ she insisted ‘there aren’t comfy chairs there and certainly no copies of “archaeology today”. richard is just miffed because fidel is in and he isn’t. anyway, richard doesn’t know the shibboleth and probably couldn’t spell it despite his overpriced education.’ she later went on to deny the existence of a shibboleth.
    ‘pestle’, hissed a shadowy but random reclusive leftist insider as he returned to a lecture on the worship of sky fairies in early sumerian culture. canapes were on offer in the bar afterwards.

  12. Infidel says:

    “fidel is in” Jesus! if anyone is delegated to the smudgy pig nose to window, outside looking in, on the Absinth in a demitass, pipe smoking, tufted leather chairs by the fireplace inner circle it is the infidel by God!

  13. Infidel says:

    http://www.yourdictionary.com/ahd/g/g0323000.html

    Check it out, there is no definition in “YourDictionary” but they still demonstrate how to pronounce it. Conspiracy?

  14. simply wondered says:

    and you will note she has yet to deny having made her earlier denial! pretty damning in my book.

  15. Infidel says:

    No, no, there isn’t a special VIP Private Comment lounge. Someone posted a comment marked…ya dee ya dee ya

  16. simply wondered says:

    don’t you start denying it from inside the lounge.

  17. Infidel says:

    My heart aches with a monotonous langour.