Why people think Landover Baptist Church is real

Tuesday, December 5th, 2006 · 67 Comments »

Dove One

I admit I have occasionally wondered how people can not know that Landover Baptist Church is a parody. It seems pretty obvious to me. But then I read things like this, and I’m reminded that the gap between reality and satire is sometimes vanishingly small.

Pastor Benny Hinn wants to buy a new Gulfstream — excuse me, ministry tool — and he’s hitting up his deluded followers for the cash:

I have enclosed a beautiful photo-filled brochure [photo above — V.S.] to explain more about this incredible ministry tool that will increase the scope of our abilities to preach the Gospel around the globe. Now we must pay the remainder of the down payment, and I am asking the Lord Jesus to speak to 6,000 of my precious partners to sow a seed of $1,000 in the next ninety days. And I am praying, even as I write this letter, that you will be one of them!

I know that as you obey the Lord, He will open heaven wide and cause a mighty harvest of blessings to descend upon your life and all that you do!

This next step is absolutely vital to everything we are called to do, and it is the only way I can continue to do all God is directing me to do during these prophetic days. There is simply no other possible way for me to keep up with my schedule.

Purchasing this incredible ministry tool is monumental and historic. We have never bought any plane with this much range or capability that will crisscross the globe repeatedly so I can present the Gospel in person to unprecedented millions of precious souls who will accept and come to know our wonderful Jesus as their eternal Savior.

…Your seed of $1,000 or more toward Dove One will reap a harvest for years. The G4SP is built to fly for decades. Imagine the harvest during all those years, and you will be a vital part of that long-term harvest!

Major credit cards accepted.

A few salient notes:

* The Benny Hinn ministry takes in a hundred million dollars a year.
* Hinn’s personal salary is somewhere between half a million and a million dollars annually.
* Hinn’s “parsonage” is a $10 million seaside mansion.
* Hinn has a private jet (which Dove One will replace) that he uses on “healing missions” to places like Hawaii and Cancun, where he stays in hotel suites that cost thousands of dollars a night.

In the comments over at Pandagon people are talking about a South Park episode where Pat Robertson asks his viewers for donations to buy a laser for the 700 Club spaceship so they can bring the Word of God to the Marklar (?):

Everyone, the Word of God is going around the world and all your help is appreciated. What we need now is an argon crystal laser. You see, an argon crystal laser can pierce thick space hulls in a way that other lasers just can’t. Send your money now. I thank you.

I’ve never seen South Park, but I think Benny Hinn has.

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67 Responses to “Why people think Landover Baptist Church is real”

  1. Victoria says:

    Whenever a sinister Godbag manipulates sincerely believing folks (often very poor people) into feeding the hypocritical beast of The Collective Godbag Empire, somewhere – I am pretty sure – an angel’s wings are cruelly incinerated.

    “Lord, save me from your followers…” (but, especially, your televangelists…)

  2. Pastor Al E Pistle says:

    Landover Baptist isn’t real?!?!?!?!? Of course it is real! We preach the literal word of God, in context, and never stray from the Truth(tm). What isn’t real about THAT?

    It’s the damned FALSE CHRISTIANS, who think JESUS is going to return and make goodie-goodie who aren’t REAL. Jesus is returning for one reason and one reason only, friends. To start the Last War and make the rivers run with blood. It’s all right there in Revelations!

  3. Paul Tergeist says:

    That’s a G4. It looks like this.

    http://www.aircharternetwork.com/legseek/aircraft_pages/g4.html

  4. flawedplan says:

    Landover Batshit has a message board, I don’t recommend visiting it if you have occasional bouts of instability. I went there one night and read it a few hours and came out all screwed up. Seriously, the line between parody and sincerity just disappears, it’s impossible to know which posters are in on the joke, if they’re all in on it, or none in on it, and it just opens up all these metaphysyical Bob Dylanish confusions concerning the reality/illusion thing. Seeing that play out on the message board was discomfitting as heck, afterwards I had to make an effort to get my head back on straight. I came to think they’re having a ball with both unthinking Christianists and intellectual types who think too much. Whatever, that’s a talented group, whoever they are.

  5. will says:

    Are you suggesting that God doesn’t want his messagers to be happy??!!?

    If you had seen the people Hinn has healed, you wouldnt be mocking him!

    are you sure that he isnt a Virginian?

  6. ehj2 says:

    This isn’t very different from the Republican message:

    Give us your vote and we’ll protect you, pander to your disgusting biases, delight with you in your ignorance, and ease your passage onward to your heavenly reward.

    A vote for a Republican is a moral imperative, a vote for Jesus’ own representative on earth. By voting Republican, you’ll be an instrument of the Lord, a member of the rising army against evil.

    The ends justify the means. It may look like we’re just lining our pockets and trammeling your freedoms, but we’re at the end of times here, the clock is running out and sacrifices must be made.

    We’ll abolish your taxes and transfer them to your children and grandchildren. They’ll be more productive (in the future) anyway so it really makes sense. And if the end of the world comes soon, they won’t even have to pay them.

    We’ll destroy Social Security so your children and grandchildren can never retire and will have to continue working productively and pay taxes to support you in your old age.

    We’ll abolish those silly regulations that keep you from doing pretty much whatever you want.

    We’ll make you feel good about exhausting the earth’s last resources. Afterall, someone is going to get to use them, they are going to be used up, so why not by us — “the greatest people on earth”? [This is an actual favorite of my brother -- used to torment me.]

    What torments me is how easy it is to sell this stuff and how many buy it.

    Cynics give up and just start their own religions — like L. Ron Hubbard.

  7. richard cherry says:

    But it says God will cause a “mighty harvest of blessings to descend upon your life and all that you do!” – surely that’s worth more than money!
    cynics the lot of you; magic beans, anyone?

  8. Infidel says:

    Threads or shreds?
    Boundries on innocence
    eneahedral thought
    candles burnt at midnight hour
    a million years ago

    What is conclusive is there is no end to what Landover can and won’t do- in their zeal to discredit and parody they have created what we might parody-a religion of ridicule. Rather than say religion is rediculous they say this is religion in the most outlandish and blatant way. We don’t seek, we are sought.

    Baptists!~

  9. ehj2 says:

    Richard [comment 7],

    I can buy “blessings”?

    This is really the trouble with all religions, the notion that by my support of my particular tribal rituals or dogma, I can influence the universe in my favor (if not now, then later).

    This is why they say you can’t cheat an honest woman. She’s not looking for a shortcut to wealth.

    If she is a cheat, and just donates to a televangelist for more money in this life, then we might say she deserves to be cheated (if we are right and God really doesn’t regard her donation as some kind of transaction to be honored now). [A kind of transaction that would, of course, favor the wealthy, who could always afford to buy more favor than the poor.]

    However, you’re actually the cynic in this take on what’s happening. Continued studies of the televangelical phenomenon repeatedly shows that people don’t really expect any “earthy” blessing and find it abhorrent that you might believe they are attempting to pay off God. People (often retired) with limited contact with the world actually believe they are doing good with these donations and expect no return. Many believe that heaven is a kind of feast, and that their donations help others to make it to the feast (by adopting the rituals of their particular tribe).

    This is what makes it worse, dammit. If it was just immediate clearcut self-interest we were dealing with, this could be fixed in a generation of good education. But it’s DEEPER than that, more FUNDAMENTAL. The cynical view (this is just a transaction) won’t work to help stop what’s happening.

    We are members of a species that believes it can make its own fucking reality.

    We are members of a species that believes it can make the world, the universe, even God, in its own image.

    We are members of a species that believes it can overcome the physical laws of matter — and eventually will build faster-than-light star drives, anti-gravity generators, matter teleportation, and auto-docs that will enable us to live for thousands of years by replenishing all our parts.

    We’re crazy. Mad to the bone.

    ///

  10. Pastor Al E Pistle says:

    Landover Batshit has a message board, I don’t recommend visiting it if you have occasional bouts of instability. I went there one night and read it a few hours and came out all screwed up. Seriously, the line between parody and sincerity just disappears, it’s impossible to know which posters are in on the joke, if they’re all in on it, or none in on it, and it just opens up all these metaphysyical Bob Dylanish confusions concerning the reality/illusion thing. Seeing that play out on the message board was discomfitting as heck, afterwards I had to make an effort to get my head back on straight. I came to think they’re having a ball with both unthinking Christianists and intellectual types who think too much. Whatever, that’s a talented group, whoever they are.
    -flawedplan

    Sister, JESUS brought you to Landover for a reason. You must forgo your SATANIC lifestyle and get right with GOD or you will end up in HELL with SATAN’S huge, barbed, engorged member slapping at your backside for ETERNITY….like THE people:
    http://www.landoverbaptist.org/mail/1106.html

  11. Paul Tergeist says:

    Lookit, can’t we forget about Landover and Frenchie’s complicated thoughts (which make my brain hurt) and go back to the gratuitous perky breast pictures?

    I’ll start. http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/features/2006_swimsuit/allstar/

  12. Infidel says:

    This is really the trouble with all thought, the notion that by my support of my particular thoughts, I can influence the universe in my favor (if not now, then later).

  13. richard cherry says:

    magic beans going cheap – just a cow a bag

  14. ehj2 says:

    LOL,

    George Bush’s mentor has spoken. A illiterate and innumerate mind, utterly bereft of thought or knowledge, is equal to Newton’s or da Vinci’s in its ability to understand and influence the world in its favor.

    Ummmm. Not.

    ///

  15. Pastor Ezekiel says:

    Praise Jesus and thank Him for providing Landover Baptist as a shining light of TRUE Christianity for all the world to see. I’d like to take this opportunity to rebuke every demon in each of your filthy orafaces, and to encourage you to come and experience the warm love of Jesus on our Chruch forum.

    As our beloved Pastor Pistle said, we are unafraid to speak God’s unvarnished Truth and show perverted sinners of all stripe the path to Salvation. We are as real as satan’s huge barbed tallywacker. Come and give your life to Jesus, or else.

  16. ehj2 says:

    Why thank you Pastor for your heartfelt words and sincere invitation. I must tell you, my cockles are warmed to the quick by your sweet words of divine wisdom and eloquent inspiration.

    In truth, on bended knee I have visited the glorious edifice of which you speak, and partaked (while yes, enthralled) of the waters of knowledge there.

    Well — this brief encomium out of the way, I must ask you (with some reservation and delicacy) a question.

    Are you an artificial intelligence program running on some server bank in P.T.’s basement?

    The reason I ask is because you seem too perfect, too consistent in your lighted wonderfulness, too broad and deep in your metaphysics and deontology, to be simply and only human, a mere mortal in this hebetudinous valley of a plundered world.

    I hope it will not be too great an interruption of your important work to reply.

    ///

  17. Paul Tergeist says:

    Yes, will you two cock-eyed ‘pastors’ please come back here and explain to Frenchy that I am not involved in your crackpot church? You are all nutters.

  18. Paul Tergeist says:

    This is really the trouble with all religions, the notion that by my support of my particular tribal rituals or dogma, I can influence the universe in my favor (if not now, then later).
    -ehj2

    PRAY, v.
    To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner, confessedly unworthy.
    -the devil’s dictionary
    Ambrose Bierce

  19. ehj2 says:

    Paul,

    You’re not like the others. You are worthy and wise.

    So believe, Paul. For you it will work. Believe in the Spaghetti Man.

    And you too can make your own fucking reality.

    But wait. If you believe that, then you just did.

    I crack myself up. (I stole that.)

  20. richard cherry says:

    the spaghetti man – a relative of the straw man who is not burned as long as you boil him in sufficient water – the key is for his bits to have room to move – like much of life…

  21. Paul Tergeist says:

    You’re not like the others. You are worthy and wise.
    -ehj2

    Pull the other one.

  22. ehj2 says:

    Pull the other one.
    -Paul Tergeist

    If you have this big crush on Violet, and really want to impress her, learn French and take up ballet.

  23. Paul Tergeist says:

    If you have this big crush on Violet, and really want to impress her, learn French and take up ballet.
    -ehj2

    I hate her. I come in here only to give her apoplexy and fits…and to see the lascivious pictures.

  24. ehj2 says:

    I hate [Violet].
    -Paul Tergeist

    Is this your actual original thought? Or did you read this at Twisty’s (Men Hate Women)? Or is Twisty simply correct, and you and I and all men — without thinking — hate women?

    Do men hate women? Perhaps one day Violet will have a posting on the subject where both men and women can respond. You know. Write serious things about the actual topic of the thread.

    ///

    I come in here only … to see the lascivious pictures.
    -Paul Tergeist

    Um … of Nureyev?

    There are some people at Landover Baptist looking for you. If you think that isolation is torture, imagine being prayed over 24 hours a day, unable to sleep or think, until you relinquish your ways and then are burned at the stake. You may need to learn French and move to a civilized country.

    Just saying.

  25. Paul Tergeist says:

    Write serious things about the actual topic of the thread.
    -ehj2

    Ahhh…..I see my mistake.

    “Um … of Nureyev?”
    -ehj2

    NO, YOU SICK HOMER! Of the udderly delightful Los Lolos.

    “There are some people at Landover Baptist looking for you.”
    -ehj2

    Those people are all crazy. Why would they be looking for ME?

  26. ehj2 says:

    [ehj2 is ...] a SICK HOMER.
    -Paul Tergeist

    Dear Paul,

    LOL. If you’re trying to insult me you aren’t even close. In the language of Deborah Tannan (I’m rereading her excellent “Gender and Discourse” as we speak), I would have hoped my frame was much clearer by now. Just so you know — I love the homers the same as I love and respect anyone trying to live a conscious, authentic life.

    In the future, if you want me to know you’re mad at me, use words like “Republican” or “Corporatist.” The phrase, “You dumb Republican shit” would work well (although we both would probably find that a bit redundant).

    Hope the weather there is favorable. It’s starting to get a mite chilly here. Is it close enough to Christmas to have eggnog? I love that stuff.

    Regards.

  27. Violet says:

    Perhaps one day Violet will have a posting on the subject where both men and women can respond.

    It’s interesting you should mention that, because I’ve been silent for the last day or two owing to extreme bummed-outedness over the state of misogyny in the world. But whenever I do post on it, trolls (real and otherwise) just spout nonsense about how because they personally don’t hate women then misogyny doesn’t exist and is just a figment of feminist imagination.

  28. Paul Tergeist says:

    “LOL. If you’re trying to insult me you aren’t even close”
    -ehj2

    ROFL! No, I wasn’t trying to insult you.

    “owing to extreme bummed-outedness over the state of misogyny in the world.”
    -VS

    Oh heck, Vi, Don’t worry! Misogyny is doing GREAT all over the world!

  29. Paul Tergeist says:

    But whenever I do post on it, trolls (real and otherwise) just spout nonsense about how because they personally don’t hate women then misogyny doesn’t exist and is just a figment of feminist imagination.
    -V

    It is the nature of trolls to be trollish just as it the nature of men to be sexist, or so I am told.

    I’m not happy that you’re not happy…but when I bring up the subject to my roommate who is an oriental female, she says it’s stupid. and that if I ever acted “like that” which she doesn’t describe, I would meet some horrible end which she also neglects to describe.

    I suppose that is what I am upset about. WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO TO END MISOGYNY?

  30. ehj2 says:

    Dear Violet [27],

    Wait until you’re ready. It takes a lot of work to manage a conversation like this and I haven’t seen anyone do it better. But because it is a lot of work, and a tough topic in a system of tough related topics, wait until you’re ready.

    You just held a conversation here that I wouldn’t have believed possible — the sex worker conversation. If you only manage to pull off this level of discourse once a year, you’re an outstanding success.

    Cicely, in many of her words seemed to reflect my very thoughts and logic, while Sam, in many of her words, seemed to reflect my feelings. I want to hold Cicely’s thoughts and the clarity of her logic with a little more of Sam’s passion and conviction.

    And listening to this conversation over the course of days I entered my own extreme bumbed-outedness. To make matters worse, I reread Men in Groups by Lionel Tiger, visited the Trafficking in Persons sites at the State Department, and navigated around both the ACLU’s and the UN’s stuff on women’s issues.

    I had to ask the question of myself (for the millionth time) — why do women’s real issues take a back seat to male framing of economics and war? Not just for men but for women? Why do women’s magazines seemingly ignore real women’s issues and focus on today’s new lipstick or skin softener?

    Twisty Faster has an accurate grasp of a real truth and does an unequalled job of keeping a light on it. But her audience is a cheerleading and energy-building audience, not a solution finders or polite-deep-thinkers audience.

    I think we desperately need both kinds of voices and places.

    This is a new medium and we’re figuring out what it can do. There will need to be some order. You may decide to have participants register. No conversation can survive if it allows anyone to walk in and hurl trash.

    If you begin by imposing some rules of engagement for your posts (i.e., all “I love girls so misogyny doesn’t exist” posts get deleted) and don’t worry about the size of your audience … I think you have a real shot at getting some of the folks willing to write longer and more thoughtful comments to your world here.

    I also don’t personally believe a good site needs to have a new post every day. This stuff is hard and takes time to think about and write about. It isn’t fair to the complexity of some of your posts, or to your writers, if a post gets pushed down too quickly in a large queue.

    Just my two euros.

    Respectfully,

  31. Mr. Malaprop says:

    WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO TO END MISOGYNY?
    -pt

    Well, I suggest you spend a non-trivial amount of time, say at least forty hours a week running and funding a website that is so obviously misogynistic and religiously fundamental that it fools not only a huge number of people, but even deeply affects people who know what it is about. (Post 4)

    Why don’t you try to attract intelligent, scholarly people who will volunteer their time and can argue The Bible to ministers and women’s rights to women haters so effectively that the website and associated forum are the #2 Google result for ‘Baptist Church’, having been pushed out of the #1 slot by a conspiracy of real Bupkists.

    Why don’t you do something like THAT, hummmm? Because if you spent 8 YEARS doing that, maybe you wouldn’t be called a troll.

  32. Paul Tergeist says:

    Just my two euros.
    -frenchie

    Yeah. What he said.

  33. Paul Tergeist says:

    This is worth the ten minutes.

    http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=eccc09a848

  34. Paul Tergeist says:

    Why don’t you do something like THAT, hummmm?
    -MM

    I don’t have time. I must stay here to see if Violet actually has periodic mood swings and try to talk her down.

  35. Pastor Al E Pistle says:

    Why don’t you do something like THAT, hummmm?
    -MM

    Why don’t you go suck a lemon, you qweer! Women must be subservient to men. It’s GOD’S LAW!

    Genesis 3:16
    Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

    Isaiah 3:12
    As for my people, children are their oppressors, and women rule over them.

    1 Corinthians 11:3
    But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

    1 Corinthians 14:34-36
    Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience as also saith the law. And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.

    Ephesians 5:22-24
    Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

    Colossians 3:18
    Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.

    1 Timothy 2:11-15
    Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing.

    1 Peter 3:1
    Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands.

    PRAISE JESUS!

  36. richard cherry says:

    The trolls are now trolling each other and mucking about in the MOST offensive manner!

  37. Paul Tergeist says:

    We are members of a species that believes it can make its own fucking reality.
    -ehj2

    Interestingly enough, I realize that I cannot create my own reality but I could, given sufficient incentive, end someone else’s. It’s a scary thought.

  38. Paul Tergeist says:

    The trolls are now trolling each other and mucking about in the MOST offensive manner!
    -rc

    It is this very attitude which allowed William to win at Hastings!

  39. Paul Tergeist says:

    Any normal person would have banned me by now. So either Vi has not read this forum lately and went to bed early tonight, or she is a saint in wolf’s clothing.

    I know that all women believe it is merely a nasty trick of nature to create boys, and boys believe that women are merely uncovered meat. They are both wrong. Women are the most beautiful and loving creatures in the world. Even better than turtles. Geez, I love women and now, at my advanced age, I sincerely wish that I had been mature enough to marry my equal and have a wonderful family when I had the opportunity.

  40. Paul Tergeist says:

    The problem was I could never find a woman low-down enough to be my equal. I put them all on pedestals so I could look up their dresses.

  41. person pretending to be ehj2 says:

    Stupid comment deleted by Violet.

  42. Paul Tergeist says:

    Are you drunk, or crazy?
    -ehj2

    I don’t drink. I’m not crazy either. You are thinking of Infidel. Be quiet or I’ll call you a Republican!

  43. Paul Tergeist says:

    I had to ask the question of myself (for the millionth time) — why do women’s real issues take a back seat to male framing of economics and war? Not just for men but for women? Why do women’s magazines seemingly ignore real women’s issues and focus on today’s new lipstick or skin softener?
    -ehj2

    Women need only do two things. Arm themselves, train themselves and fight for their lives as though their lives were something worth fighting for. No woman who has pulled a .45 and blown their attacker away is a dead victim. I will train any woman to defend themself against any attacker, but they must believe that their life is worth more than that of the attacker; that the attacker is a psychotic deviant, and that they must prevail to live, even if it involves taking a life.

  44. ehj2 says:

    Dear Violet,

    the real ehj2 did not write comment 41.
    someone throwing trash wrote comment 41.
    please delete both 41 and this comment.

    thank you.

  45. Infidel says:

    “You are thinking of Infidel.”
    Drunk and crazy, but not wasting my time putting women on pedestals to look up their dresses. I put them on pedastals, in thought, which is my own personal individual type religion, because I had awesome encounters with the females, and because my mother and sisters were so stupendous, but they don’t wear dresses so much any more, females, which is not to say my brothers and father and male friends don’t deserve, in my reality, a place of honor and homage, on pedestals- like the collection of Presidents that used to be available from Jewel, that if you collected them all you could send for the riser to put them all on, and that’s when I learned to make a noose out of string so I could hang Teddy Roosevelt sort of because his glasses made it look kind of like his eyes were bugging out, but mostly because nooses tightened and slid smoooth.

  46. Paul Tergeist says:

    the real ehj2 did not write comment 41.
    someone throwing trash wrote comment 41.
    please delete both 41 and this comment.
    -ehj2

    Then it will also be necessary to delete comment 42. And because the context of 41,42 and 44 were developed from earlier posts, all of which are as pointless as the next, she must delete the entire thread. And since THIS thread was built upon ideas from previous threads, the entire blog must go.

    It will be the electronic equivalent of Apocalypto.

  47. Infidel says:

    Nay! I say upon thee-Cleave but, just this thread from blog, or to blog! People don’t think Landover is real- Landover Baptists do.

  48. Paul Tergeist says:

    Drunk and crazy, but not wasting my time putting women on pedestals to look up their dresses.
    -Raul

    You take me too literally. Suppose I told you to stay in bed, get plenty of rest, and take one of these Polonium tablets four days running? Of course I don’t mean that you should go out jogging with a pill and a glass of water. I mean that you should swallow poison for four days consecutively.

    It is the same with putting women on pedestals. I don’t literally build pedestals and make women stand on them. It would allow their voices to carry further. The LAST thing my neighbors want to hear is more yappity-yap-yap-yapping.

  49. Victoria says:

    ehj2:

    Dear Violet [27]…You just held a conversation here that I wouldn’t have believed possible — the sex worker conversation. If you only manage to pull off this level of discourse once a year, you’re an outstanding success.

    That’s for damned sure.

    Granted, I lost all my own energy for that discussion toward the end, but it benefited me greatly. It’s easily one of the most concretely valuable discussions in which I’ve had the privilege to participate in recent memory.

    Yes, Twisty Faster has her (generally well-deserved) cheerleading section, but this site has something I tend to find more substantial, illuminating, necessarily challenging. Certainly, Violet deserves her own cheerleading section, for alleviating the blues that can be the flip side to intellectual adventurousness, honesty, and ethical fortitude.

    That said: Rah rah! Gooooo Dr. Socks.

  50. Pastor Al E Pistle says:

    People don’t think Landover is real- Landover Baptists do.
    -blob of dung

    So are you suggesting that this post is writing itself because I am not real? Piffle! Landover always has the latest news! Did you even KNOW that Mary Cheney is preggers? I didn’t think so.

    http://landoverbaptist.net/showpost.php?p=22457&postcount=60

  51. Infidel says:

    So your looking up their pseudodresses? Their virtual dresses? Their adresses?Paul

  52. Infidel says:

    Pastor, you’re people. Your not really a landover baptist because you know they’re not real, only a real Landover Baptist doesn’t know Landover Baptistry isn’t real.

  53. richard cherry says:

    i really don’t think i wrote comment #36 (even tho now i read it it does sound like something i’d say) is there soemthing funny going on (outside of infidels’ head, i mean)?

    ps violet is a woman? i thought she was a doctor…

  54. Paul Tergeist says:

    i really don’t think i wrote comment #36 (even tho now i read it it does sound like something i’d say) is there soemthing funny going on (outside of infidels’ head, i mean)?
    -rc

    You know, you and ehj2 are VERY suspicious people. You certainly don’t think some whingeing arsewipe is in here carrying on a three or four way conversation with him…or herself…do you?

  55. Pastor Al E Pistle says:

    Pastor, you’re people. Your not really a landover baptist because you know they’re not real, only a real Landover Baptist doesn’t know Landover Baptistry isn’t real.
    -Infidel

    Son,

    Landover Baptist is as real as the Immaculate Conception. It is as real as Noah’s flood. It is as real as JESUS CHRIST who temporarily DIED FOR YOUR SINS. Landover Baptist is the ONLY CHURCH IN THE WORLD WHICH GUARANTEES SALVATION(TM). Even the Sin-tologists can’t make that claim!

    Son, it’s CHRISTmas, and Jesus wants you to throw yourself down on your knees so hard the bones crack and SCREAM HIS HOLY NAME! And of course, go over to Landover and caress that PayPal button for a thou. Even a measly hundred will help the poor, helpless, starving Africans get new Bibles. Every year we send thousands of Gideon Bibles which have been…er…donated…to us by fellow travelers. We take freat pride in sending them to non-English-speaking areas instead of food which some darkie would just steal anyway.

  56. Paul Tergeist says:

    You have never seen a solar tsunami. Take a look.

    http://spaceweather.com/

    http://www.nso.edu/staff/dooling/tsunami/

  57. Paul Tergeist says:

    I was just invited out of Victoria’s blog for suggesting that she looked young. It’s hard to tell what is going to set a woman off. They are protective of their cubs, but so are seahorses.

    Remind me not to tell any woman ever again they look young. They think I am trying to hit on them or their daughters or their husband or their mother..who the hell KNOWS what they are thinking? Whatever it is, it ain’t rational.

  58. Paul Tergeist says:

    ps violet is a woman? i thought she was a doctor…
    -rc

    Violet is a Διδάκτωρ Φιλοσοφίας, but not a physician. I am actually closer to being a physician than Vi, but I am only a “Doktor philosophiæ”, and not a very accomplished one at that. But no matter. I have managed to save a few lives here and there, and so my life has been successful, at least in my own mind.

    That I cannot do more now that I know more is troublesome to me, but that I can still make go/no-go medical diagnoses in the middle of the night is a bit mitigating when I consider pulling the plug.

    Even so, my life is, for most intents and purposes, over. The sex drive, for which we Freudians live, passed with my prostate surgery and all I can do now is teach combat pistol courses and aeronautics, give Part 95 checkrides and play on blogs as though I were still a real person.

    Violet still tolerates me….I have no idea why….but she’s about the only one. One of these days she will put me out on the ice and I will deal with it.

  59. Pastor Al E Pistle says:

    Yes, Twisty Faster has her (generally well-deserved) cheerleading section, but this site has something I tend to find more substantial, illuminating, necessarily challenging. Certainly, Violet deserves her own cheerleading section, for alleviating the blues that can be the flip side to intellectual adventurousness, honesty, and ethical fortitude.
    -victoria

    Ummm….are you the person who is sure that an angel’s wings are incinerated “Whenever a sinister Godbag manipulates sincerely believing folks”? I don’t believe that is stated anywhere in the Bible. In fact, I think you made it up. Please prove to me that you aren’t a liar by quoting the Scripture that corroborates your statement. Because if you lied about what’s in the Bible, you are on the greased pole to HELL along with the next ten generations of your family.

    Thanks
    Pastor Al

  60. Victoria says:

    Paul Tergeist:

    I was just invited out of Victoria’s blog for suggesting that she looked young.

    I did no such thing. Rather, I stated (in this post thread) the following:

    [...]Also, I have a blog rule (which I just now made up) that when two out of three of an individual’s first comments here concern either of my daughters, they are not allowed to post anything further about said daughters again.

    Unless your specific conditions for wanting to post comments to my blog include that these should focus on my daughters (in which case, ewww), what’s the problem?

    So, no, I didn’t tell you to leave; I merely elaborated upon the conditions via which you could, if you wished, continue to participate.

    Pastor Al E Pistle: Prove to me that you’re not Paul Tergeist, and I might (if I’m feeling really generous) eventually respond to your goofy question.

    (However, that’s a really big might.)

  61. Paul Tergeist says:

    “I did no such thing.’
    -victoria

    Words mean what I want them to mean. If your definition is different than mine, you are wrong!

    “So, no, I didn’t tell you to leave; I merely elaborated upon the conditions via which you could, if you wished, continue to participate.”
    -victoria

    OH! You are SUCH A FIBBER! I merely said you looked young. But on further examination, with my glasses, I can see all the wrinkles and age thingies! I reckon you have a couple daughters about Violet’s age.

    Insofar s your comment to that old homer Pasture Puddle, don’t talk to him in posts to ME! Prove to ME you aren’t that nutty Sparklematrix and I MIGHT (if I’m feeling really generous) eventually respond to your goofy question.

    (However, that’s a really big might.)

    Let this be a lesson to you never to argue with me again, you silly woman!

  62. Paul Tergeist says:

    Friends, I am so sorry you had to witness this, It breaks my heart to have to rub some tart’s nose in the mud, but sometimes it just cannot be helped.

    When women forget their place and start acting out, it behooves the Alpha Male to sit them down with the other concubines and take them down a notch. If you don’t, there will be no end to their perfidy!

    Remember men! Women must know their place!

  63. Paul Tergeist says:

    Geeeez, Vi should have had a cow by now. I hope she’s OK.

  64. Violet says:

    Paul, shut up.

    I’ll sort out this thread and answer all questions tomorrow. Today I’m working on my book.

  65. Paul Tergeist says:

    WOW! Show a little care and concern for our hostess and WHAM!

  66. Violet says:

    ehj2 and Victoria, thank you for the kind words.

    If you begin by imposing some rules of engagement for your posts (i.e., all “I love girls so misogyny doesn’t exist” posts get deleted)

    Actually that rule already exists. I don’t tolerate trolls, but they still show up and I have to moderate and delete their comments. Someone needs to build a troll filter that will detect incoming idiocy.

    Actually the reason I allow Paul here is because Lindsay Beyerstein says you need to have at least one troll to keep thing interesting, and since I can’t abide real trolls I decided to keep a fake one around. But Paul’s shtick is getting pretty tired.

  67. richard cherry says:

    Vi is there a ‘Paul , shut up’ hotkey on your computer? if not Im going to get you one for yule.
    and he says you’re not a doctor bah!