I blame the patriarchy
The feminist blogosphere has been roiling for days now. Sides have been drawn, gauntlets have been thrown. Sisterhood has been trampled in the rush to judgment on this most compelling of questions: is poutine some disgusting shit or what?
I posit that it is. I’ve never eaten poutine, of course, but I’m not going to let that stand in the way of my analysis.
Look at the photograph above. The french fries look appealing, yes, but what’s with the gravy? What’s with the horrid little clumps of cottage cheese? And yes, I realize that technically that isn’t “cottage cheese” but some other form of slimy white cheese curd, but who are we kidding here? It’s slimy, it’s a cheese curd, end of story.
Do any of you really imagine that, absent the patriarchy, people would spontaneously come up with the idea of combining boiling beef fat, slimy cheese curds, and potatoes? And then slurping this concoction out of a styrofoam cup while squealing, “Ooh, la la! C’est magnifique!” ?
I think not.
46 Responses to “I blame the patriarchy”
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Mandos says:
I am simply drooling at that photo. Can you not see the beefy crunchitude of the surfaces of those fries? The goopy cheesiness?
Violet, you are making it harder for my people to come out of the closets on the Internet. Your anti-poutine bigotry is objectively anti-Canadian and I have declared it such and shall publish it and cause it to be published forever and ever. Amen.
June 22nd, 2006 at 9:56 pm EST -
Mandos says:
AND CANADIANS DO NOT SQUEAL!
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Mandos says:
By the way, do you know what fairly new building represents you in Ottawa these days?
http://www.thecanadapage.org/images/USEmbassy.JPG
If that weren’t enough, well, on one side of it is the scenic Parliament Hill, and on the other side of it is the cutesy-Euro farmer’s market and trendy bar/restaurant neighbourhood, the Byward Market. It USED to be a lovely view from one to the other. Now it isn’t.
And just so you don’t mistake what it is intended to mean,
Americans.
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Mandos says:
Argh! Screwed up link again.
Here it is again:
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Violet says:
Why is our embassy in the shape of a boat?
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Mandos says:
Why. In. Deed.
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will says:
yummy.
Don’t like it until you have tried it!
I’ll bet you look down your nose at spam too, dont you?
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Mandos says:
All the shops across the street, btw, including a very upscale cutesypoo French bridal gown store apparently installed blast-proof windows or something like that.
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will says:
By the way, doesnt the patriarchy want women to be skinny? Although I guess the patriarchy is looking for ways for women to have fatty tissue deposited on women’s knees.
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Violet says:
I am simply drooling at that photo. Can you not see the beefy crunchitude of the surfaces of those fries? The goopy cheesiness?
In truth, I posted the most appealing photo I could find, after hours of scouring the internets. I’m fair-minded that way. Most poutine looks like something the dog threw up.
Mandos, the fries do look good; it’s the rest of that mess that needs to go. I know you mean well, but I’m afraid your endorsement of this food is yet another example of “choice” Canadianism at work.
Will, I think you’ve identified the proper use for poutine: it could be put into sacks and used for kneepads.
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gordo says:
Violent–
You seem to see evidence of the patriarchy everywhere. And while I’ve found some of your evidence unpersuasive in the past, I have to say that poutine constitutes smoking-gun evidence of the patriarchy’s existence.
Also, it proves the existence of Satan.
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Mandos says:
See, I’m not a big fan of French fries. The only time I enthusiastically eat them is in the form of poutine.
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Elinor says:
Ah, the patriarchy today wants women to be skinny, but in chilly, Catholic Quebec, in days gone by, the men liked a good armful.
Hence poutine, and sugar pie, and all the other fat-laden, sugar-soaked delights of French Canadian cuisine.
The American embassy in Ottawa rather frightened me, last time I was there. I was afraid that if I put a finger through the fence I would be shot.
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ginmar says:
What kind of barbarian puts gravy on French fries?
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Mandos says:
What kind of barbarian doesn’t?
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ginmar says:
Hah! The only true topping for fries is ketchup. Obviously you’re a terrorist.
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Elinor says:
Ketchup is a repulsive overly-sugared goo with no redeeming characteristics.
Granted, I am in the minority in thinking that. But I am right! I blame the patriarchy for ketchup.
(Also, what about vinegar? Or mayonnaise?)
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ginmar says:
I like mayo on hamburgers, myself. But…but…what about homemade ketchup? You need some tomatoey goodness on those fries.
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Mandos says:
You can greatly improve ketchup with sriracha sauce. But it isn’t as good as gravy and cheese on fries.
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Violet says:
I’m with ginmar: the only appropriate topping for french fries is ketchup.
Mayonnaise is an abomination, and gravy is incomprehensible.
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ginmar says:
Now I’m hungry. It’s a plot! Kind of like how porn makes me want to watch Gerard Butler movies.
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antiprincess says:
That’s poutine?
my goodness that looks delicious!
can you get authentic poutine anywhere without being in Canada?
gravy fries = a family favorite
cheese fries = a college delicacyI can do the math. where can I get some of that?
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Mandos says:
You might get lucky and find it in Michigan, Maine, upstate NY, etc. I’m told that there’s something poutine-like called “disco fries” in some diners in the Northeastern US that is often not on the menu but can be ordered anyway.
You are, however, most likely to find orthodox chipwagon poutine in Quebec and Eastern Ontario (meaning mostly the Ottawa area).
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larkspur says:
You know, this poutine thang doesn’t sound all that objectionable…
What am I saying. Of course it does. What it doesn’t sound is all that different from the newest creation from KFC. Surely y’all have seen the TV ad campaign, with the frighteningly explicit photos.
Feel good about lunch! Introducing KFC’s Famous Bowls!
Freshly prepared with layers of your KFC favorites – a generous serving of our creamy mashed potatoes, sweet kernel corn, bite size pieces of all-white meat crispy chicken, topped with our homestyle gravy and 3-cheese blend.
All the KFC favorites you know and love served in a convenient easy-to-eat bowl!
Come by KFC and try a Bowl today!
So you have your “creamy” (mmm buttery) mashed potatoes, corn (mmm starchy!), “crispy” chicken nuggest (mmm deep fried), with gravy and three (3 count ‘em) cheese globs melted on top.
All that’s missing is a French name and years of tradition.
Which reminds me of a recent Leah Garchik column in the San Francisco Chronicle (6-16-06), in which she cites some “Overheard In San Francisco”-type remarks, including the following:
– “I want kale! I want kale!” (Child in stroller at Serramonte Farmers’ Market, overheard by Barbara Wampner.)”
Take that, poutine and KFC.
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Mandos says:
I have a niece (well, the daugher of a cousin) who is 4 and obsessed with broccoli. Wants a large quantity of it for every meal. I call her Reverse Girl, since she hates cookies.
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Timothy Shortell says:
My dear Dr Socks,
I can’t return to your site until you remove that disgusting picture from the home page. It turns my stomach just to think of it. I shudder at the thought of those poor innocent potatoes. What an abomination!I remain, yours sincerely.
(I will also be satisfied when the picture scrolls off the home page.)
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CR says:
Very Gosney,
I like for my food to be what it is. Recognizable.Has anyone ever seen a a proper Maryland Crab feast? Now that’s quite grosney too. But I like it. Neanderthal Man discovers the crab. This poutine is quite another story.
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gordo says:
Elinor–
You think our embassies are scary? Check out our gas stations.
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Elinor says:
Damn. That’s…kinda cool, actually.
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The Countess says:
Violet: “I’m with ginmar: the only appropriate topping for french fries is ketchup. Mayonnaise is an abomination, and gravy is incomprehensible.”
Vinegar and salt! I love beach fries. Yum. ;)
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CR says:
Vinegar and salt!
This is British to go with potatoe chips. It puts hair on your chest. Do you like warm beer as well? -
The Countess says:
CR: “Vinegar and salt!
This is British to go with potatoe chips. It puts hair on your chest. Do you like warm beer as well?”I prefer beer a little chilled, but I have enjoyed warm beer before. As slow as I drink it, it ends up warm anyway.
I have a bottle of Chimay ale waiting for me in the ‘fridge. I hear that stuff is great. Gotta love those Trappist monks.
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Burrow says:
Some of us eat vegetarian poutine. I’ve had Vegan poutine before. Mmmmmmm…non-beefy poutine!
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Mandos says:
Yes, apparently St. Hubert’s poutine gravy mix is all-vegetarian. Actually, apparently all of St. Hubert’s powdered mix packets (available in Ontario and Quebec at the very least) are vegan—despite St. Hubert being a Canadian chicken fast food chain, their gravies are all chemical…
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ginmar says:
So that’s what explains the recent KFC commercials. Oh my ugh.
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Txfeminist says:
That is a truly hideous mess. But, I don’t much like french fries. I like salt and vinegar kettle chips, though, and better yet, Lay’s has a new potato chip out which is black pepper and lime flavored…. It’s so delicious. I try so hard to remember to eat healthily, but I am junk food addict. I love anything with salt.
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Mandos says:
A Texan telling us about hideous messes. Huh.
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txfeminist says:
And your inference is exactly what!?!?!? ;-)
I’m not a Texan, by the way. I’m simply trapped in the Texas Vortex. You can hear the huge sucking sound by all the borders, but if you fly in, you miss it, and you’re doomed.
Kind of like one of these huge texas cockroaches trying to crawl it’s way out of a flushing toilet.
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CR says:
I prefer beer a little chilled, but I have enjoyed warm beer before. As slow as I drink it, it ends up warm anyway.
Me too. And my morning coffee gets cold. I am a sipper.
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richard cherry says:
Re Larkspur in 24 and the child demanding kale.
It being ‘Summer’ in Britain (well it was that week at any rate) we inflicted a barbecue upon ourselves. I pointed out there was a perfectly good cooker in a room called ‘the kitchen’ where we could alternately reduce to carbon and leave raw some otherwise perfectly good sausages. I was pooh poohed. Matters took a turn for the worse as the teenage boys took control of food production. Raw, carbonised and pawed by those who don’t feel it necessary to wash after rummaging with their genitalia. Offered a still-frozen piece of tuna I pointed out my lack of fondness for raw fish. The 13yr-old grunter looked hurt and queried:
‘What about sushi?’ I looked blank. ‘Oh I couldn’t LIVE without sushi!’ Why can’t they just do drugs and nick cars like we used to?
Poutine – OK chaps – call it what you like and don’t let the newness of your (ahem) culture put you off making extravagant claims here, but are you really trying to claim the invention of cheesy chips with gravy? Even the Ulstermen are way ahead of you with the more nouvelle cuisine dish of cheesy chips, peas and curry sauce. Who made up that word poutine anyway? It’s a pile of lard regurgitated by a dog – or as I said, cheesy chips with gravy. -
CR says:
nouvelle cuisine dish of cheesy chips, peas and curry sauce.
Oh my, my, my.! Pee Ew!
You are allowing teenagers to cook?
As is said “Only mad dogs and Englishmen” You like to live dangerously. -
Mandos says:
Not just any gravy, and not just any cheese. And Montreal in particular is full of strange variants.
The earliest use of the word “poutine” for a food is the Acadian poutine which is completely different, although made with potato. This use of the word poutine is supposed to have come from the 50s or 60s.
How it got invented, nobody knows, and Québécois used to be embarassed about it.
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richard cherry says:
So this is why we have Canadia.
Anyone worked out why we have New Zealand? -
CR says:
Hee Hee. I also call it Canadia. Glad I’m not the only one. And it’s funny how people “correct me”. and I look blankly like it was news to me. “huh? It’s Canada? No kidding. You don’t say.”
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Mandos says:
Canadia is just fine, especially if you’re a Merkin. Or an Ingle.
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richard cherry says:
Here in Ingleand, we prefer the more fragrant term ‘septic’. Merkin of course being much more amusingly used as the name for a pubic wig. No I don’t know why you might need one – going (or coming?) incognito? Though it might be the first plausible use for Dubbya…and a rather apt term for your prudish Godbag types.
