Russian linguist needed
I keep getting this Viagra spam from a site that looks to be Russian, though who the hell knows since the link doesn’t actually work:
*****
*****
It’s all charmingly hilarious, in the great tradition of “Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension,” but the one I can’t figure out is #3. I think that “beating your time” must be a literal translation into English of some Russian idiom, but what?
I’m guessing that it’s something like “singing your praises,” though that wouldn’t be quite right in English (it should be the girlfriend singing the praises of the guy to her friends). But I’m not satisfied with vague assurances that the activity, whatever it is, will be positive and ego-boosting. I want to know what, exactly, her friends will be doing. Does anybody know?
29 Responses to “Russian linguist needed”
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Paul Tergeist says:
“Beating your time” is colloquial for ‘upstaging you”. But I haven’t a clue about whose colloquealism it is and I’m not arsed to bother with it.
May 23rd, 2006 at 12:45 am EST -
Paul Tergeist says:
OK, I am arsed to bother with it. It seems American colloquy and means ( I paraphrase) ‘if I get to the bint’s house before you do, she will go out with me instead and you will end up fucking the dog’…or, as we say in polite company, ‘screwing the pooch’.
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Paul Tergeist says:
-continued from above
Her friends will be kick-starting their vibrators, ’cause the dumb Rooski got the gender wrong in his SPAM. He meant ‘are you worried about YOUR FRIENDS beating your time?’
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Violet says:
But…all the other things are positive — good results that are supposed to follow from taking the Viagra. “Are you worried about your friends upstaging you?” doesn’t fit.
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Paul Tergeist says:
Sorry, I’m right and the Rooski is wrong. Goddamn all Rooskis anyway for making me dig up my back yard in 1961 for a fallout shelter.
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Paul Tergeist says:
And lemme tell you something about VIAGRA! After my prostate operation I got a prescription for it to see if I could still….ummmm…..get it up…since ejaculation was no longer possible.
So I takes one and my freaking vision turns blue and my FACE turns red and pulsates like a goddamn Saturn rocket and little John Thomas sits there dead as my ex-wife’s slot machine.
I don’t want to hear it. I know what ‘beating your time’ means and I am NEVER voting for anyone named Dole.
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Dixie says:
If it’s to remain upbeat, I’d say it’s asking if the fellow would like all her girlfriends to be wildly jealous and want to get in on the action (to beat HER time).
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Paul Tergeist says:
7: Madame, you not only presume that all sexual activity involving a female is not rape, but that some women actually kiss and tell! I’m afraid your supposition is anathema in the fembot world.
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Paul Tergeist says:
And Violet, if I may ask without seeming presumptuous, why do you get Viagra SPAM and I get “Cheap home insurance” and “Extended Honda Warranty”?
I get the uneasy feeling that I have been missing out on something.
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Timothy Shortell says:
It pains me to type this, but I think Paul is correct. (Well, up until #5.)
I wonder if the Nigerian generals ever get the Viagra spam?
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Steve says:
Querida Violeta Reclusiva:
Would you be insulted if I reported that, after all these stimulating exchanges, this thread is one of my favorites. I love gramatically incorrect spam. And I love scam mail.
Once I got a Nigerian scam mail and, for sport, led the guy on a two month adventure, asking him for proof of his sincerity, and assuring him I was “this” cloise to giving him my bank account number.
By the way, since along with Dr. Shortell I am one of the college professors who frequents La Doctora Calcetines brothel of the mind, I should report — seriously — that recreational use of Viagra is increasing among students.
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Infidel says:
Jimmy and I fucked for like two hours last night!
Really Amanda?, that’s nothing my man and I go on for four hours.
Well me and Ugh! Huh! YEah, Paul here, Have OhhhYeahhhh! Been going OOOOOo on now for Five Unbeleavable non-stop twenty four hou ow oWWW rrrrs. Nnnd he doesn’t want to stop. You’ll never beat that time. -
Paul Tergeist says:
From 10: “It pains me to type this, but I think Paul is correct. (Well, up until #5.)”
What are you suggesting?!?!?!? That I didn’t dig up my backyard, or that it wan’t in 1961? I have an excellent memory of all the things I did in preparation for the nuclear holocaust.
I’ll have you know that I was certified by the Civil Defense to teach “duck and cover” AND, if that were not impressive enough, I was…and probably still am…trained as a ‘Radiological Monitor”. And THAT means the day after the nukes hit I can carry my little rem counter through your neighboorhood and tell you exactly how dead you are going to be in a couple hours.
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Paul Tergeist says:
We read what the nasssssssssty person wrotes in #12. We thinks Infidel is trying to make a monkey out of our grandfather, doesn’t we Precious! We thinks ole Infidel is a diesel dyke for writing those things, innit? We hatese him/her doesn’t we, Preciousssss! We kicks Infidel inna nutsack won’t we? Yesssssssss ..we hates Hobbettttses.
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Violet says:
Infidel isn’t a she. It’s a he. Precious.
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Violet says:
I should report — seriously — that recreational use of Viagra is increasing among students.
Surely college guys are the second least likely population to need Viagra? (The least likely being high school guys.) Oh, right, the Washington Post says college guys can’t get it up anymore because now girls like sex too.
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Paul Tergeist says:
I KNOW IT ISN’T A SHE! CAN’T I INSULT SOMEONE WITHOUT YOUR HELP, MS. BUTTINSKI?!?!?!?
:0
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Paul Tergeist says:
to 16: Hello, it is the girls who are using it recreationally.
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Steve says:
Looks like a full fledged Russkie invasion! I woke up to two of the same emails.
Now get this: Mine have the same Viagra pitch as above but also each have extended excerpts of what looks to be Anna Karenina.
One of my favorite novels. My favorite appendage. Coming from the the enemy that brought us “duck and cover.”
What’s a boy to do?
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Infidel says:
Sorry.
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Violet says:
Looks like a full fledged Russkie invasion! I woke up to two of the same emails.
Steve, does yours have a link that works? I get these emails every day, but the links don’t work. What’s the fucking point? They’re not going to sell anything that way.
Yes, mine have Anna Karenina excerpts too, and salutations that differ with each email. Yesterday’s said “Bonjour.” Today’s says “Howdy.”
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Ann Bartow says:
True story: Yesterday I got an e-mail in my spam folder from a Russian name, with an off subject line thta included the word “collaborating.” I almost assumed the worst and deleted it without opening, but lucily I didn’t, because it turned out to be from an actual Russian legal academic who is coming to the States on a Fulbright type grant and wants to do collaborative research and scholarship with me next fall.
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Steve says:
Violeta:
Yes, my Russkie spam had a link to an on-line pharmacy.
The funny thing is that the prices for those meds are so obscenely high that I cant imagine who buys them.
Viagra for example goes for $105.00 for 10 50 mg pills. That’s $10 for an erection with the partner not inlcuded.
Im not paying $1 per inch for my erections! Well maybe that’s a little exxageration.
But still.
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Mandos says:
I get spam with viagra-spam titles but software-spam content. Spam is spoofing spam. Do the software-spam people think (know?) that viagra-spam is more likely to be read?
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Paul Tergeist says:
From 23: “Viagra for example goes for $105.00 for 10 50 mg pills. That’s $10 for an erection with the partner not inlcuded. Im not paying $1 per inch for my erections! Well maybe that’s a little exxageration.”
Steve, don’t sell yourself short. (snark)
Ten bucks per is the going rate for those things, but you don’t need them OR porn! Or even Violet’s phone-sex. Hell no, buddy! Just do what I do!
Nothing.
Shit. I’d pay the ten bucks in a heartbeat but my prostate ain’t regrowing.
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Paul Tergeist says:
to 11: OK steve, here ya go. I wouldn’t normally waste Sis’s bandwidth like this but since you two used to be butt-buddies and all..:
You can now email me at: stanley_buba13@yahoo.com.sg
From Chief Stanley Buba.
Chairman Foreign Contract Award Committee (NNPC
Maputo Street Zone 3
Victoria Island- Lagos-Nigeria.
D/L; 234-8034-971374
Email: stanley_buba1@indiatimes.com
Dear Sir/ Madam,
Re: PAYMENT AUTHENTICATION.
I am Chief Dr.Stanley Buba , Chairman Foreign Contract
Award Committee, on Dept Settlement, my office monitors and controls
the affairs of all banks and financial institutions in Nigeria concerned
with foreign contract payments. I am the final signatory to any
transfer or remittance of huge funds moving within banks both on the
local and international levels in line to foreign contracts settlement.
I have before me list of funds, which could not be transferred to some
nominated accounts as these accounts have been identified either as
ghost accounts, unclaimed deposits and over-invoiced sum etc.
I write to present you to the federal government that you are among
the people expecting the funds to be transferred into their account, on
this note; I wish to have a deal with you as regards to the unpaid
certified contract funds.
I have every files before me and the data’s will be to change to your
name to enable you receive the fund into your nominated bank account as
the beneficiary of the fund’s amount $20 Million U.S.D.
As it is my duty to recommend the transfer of these surplus funds to
the Federal Government Treasury and Reserve Accounts as unclaimed
deposits,
I have the opportunity to write you based on the instructins I
received 2 days ago from the Senate Committee on Contract Payments
/Foreign Debts to submit the List of payment reports / expenditures and
audited reports of revenues. Among several others, I have decided to
remit this sum following my idea that we have a deal/agreement and I am
going to do this legally.
MY CONDITIONS.
1. You will take 35% of your contract funds as soon as you confirm it
in your designated bank account.
2. This deal must be kept secret forever, and all correspondence will
be strictly by email / telephone, for security purposes.
3. You will be required to provide your full company’s name and
address with your bank account information including your private
telephone/fax numbers.
I will advise you on what to do immediately and the transfer will
commence without delay as I will proceed to fix your name on the
Payment schedule instantly to meet the seven days mandate.Please
contact me through the above email address and call for a discussion.
Waiting for your reply soon.
Yours Sincerely.
Chief Dr.Stanley Buba.
- CHIEF STANLEY BUBA
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Alon Levy says:
I get spam with viagra-spam titles but software-spam content. Spam is spoofing spam. Do the software-spam people think (know?) that viagra-spam is more likely to be read?
Why do you open viagra spam?
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Steve says:
Good question about Viagra spam. And it’s something Id like to get straight between us. It is a hard decision I face when I get Viagra spam. I like to think long and hard and not be rigid. Sometimes my head is even throbbing with blue veins when I stretch out the time and struggle with the decision of what to do. Usually, though, at the stroke of midnight I do unzip the drive and look at the spam.
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Violet says:
I have my Outlook configured with a preview window in the bottom pane, so as I roll through my inbox I see the contents of everything.
