You know you’re a soulless hack…
…when you read about global dimming and the impending destruction of life as we know it and all you can think is, “How can I work this into my novel?”
*****
via Twisty.
60 Responses to “You know you’re a soulless hack…”
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Alon Levy says:
Don’t feel bad… whenever a democratic developing country votes for a left-wing candidate, all I can think of is, “Okay, how do I reverse this trend for my novel?” Damn these pesky Indians and their voting for Congress because of some trivialities, like that it can govern the country better than the BJP.
April 29th, 2006 at 4:13 am EST -
Paul Tergeist says:
Stuff like this is pretty boring. Even feminism gets old fast when it’s interspersed with wishful political mantras: “Repeat after me: Iran is ten years…(snip)”. Bah. They will announce their weapons program this year.
I gotta tell you, Wonkette is looking better and better, even with all the OMG, OMG, WTF?
http://www.wonkette.com/politi.....170319.php -
Paul Tergeist says:
Reuters
By Caroline Drees, Security CorrespondentWASHINGTON (Reuters) – The U.S. war on terrorism has made the world safer, the State Department’s counterterrorism chief said on Friday, despite more than 11,000 terrorist attacks worldwide last year that killed 14,600 people.
The U.S. State Department said the numbers, listed in its annual Country Reports on Terrorism released on Friday, were based on a broader definition of terrorism and could not be compared to the 3,129 international attacks listed the previous year.
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Good old homestyle propaganda!
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Ann Bartow says:
Well, if you need a break from soulless hackery, check this out: http://feministlawprofs.law.sc.edu/?p=492
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Paul Tergeist says:
Drivel.
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Paul Tergeist says:
I need some feminist law professors to help my pal Camillo Scalisia. Some of the lobsters were female! It’s an outrage!
Italy restaurant fined for “cruel” lobster display
ROME (Reuters) – An Italian restaurant was fined 688 euros ($855) for displaying live lobsters on ice to attract patrons, in an innovative application of an anti-cruelty law usually affecting to household pets.
A court in the northeastern city of Vicenza ruled the display was a form of abuse dooming the crustaceans to a slow death by suffocation.
“We’re appealing,” said Giuseppe Scalesia, who runs La Conchiglia D’Oro, or “Golden Shell,” restaurant along with his brother Camillo.
“They said that the lobsters, laying on the ice, suffer… They compared them in court to other animals, like cats and dogs.”
The case was brought by Gianpaolo Cecchetto, a former environmental activist, who took his two young children to the Vicenza restaurant in May 2002.
“They were shocked by the display,” Cecchetto told Reuters, adding he immediately got in touch with the ENPA national animal protection entity. “ENPA took care of the lawyers and legal proceedings.”
Italy has some of the world’s toughest animal rights laws. The city of Rome in October banned goldfish bowls, seen as cruel, while Turin passed a law last year that would fine dog owners 500 euros unless they walked their canine friends at least three times a day.
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Alon Levy says:
Ann, if I recall correctly, you criticized Yearly Kos’s choice of science panel speakers for picking Wendy Northcutt as a token woman who had no experience in science. In fact Northcutt is, I believe, a molecular biology Ph.D., which means she’s more connected to science than Chris Mooney, whose degree is in English. Although right now she doesn’t do science, you should keep in mind that out of three people on the panel plus a moderator, only PZ Myers is an active scientist, the rest being advocates or writers (Northcutt also deals with urban legends, so she qualifies).
Sorry for hijacking the thread, but I only found this several days after the Pandagon thread you made your criticism on died.
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Violet says:
I think Paul got out of bed on the wrong side this morning.
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Violet says:
Don’t feel bad… whenever a democratic developing country votes for a left-wing candidate, all I can think of is, “Okay, how do I reverse this trend for my novel?”
No wonder you’re my adoptive son. In your novel, do you have right-wing governments all over the world? What is it, global fascism?
I have a futuristic novel that’s been on the back burner for years until I can sort out the details. I need global warming to speed WAY up, because I’d rather set the novel in the nearer rather than far distant future.
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Alon Levy says:
No wonder you’re my adoptive son. In your novel, do you have right-wing governments all over the world? What is it, global fascism?
Global fundamentalism, actually. The novel I’m almost done editing documents how the fundamentalist governments form and start going on war, especially but not only the USA’s. I’m planning a sequel that documents the subsequent resistance attempts, and another that documents the ensuing world war.
I have a futuristic novel that’s been on the back burner for years until I can sort out the details. I need global warming to speed WAY up, because I’d rather set the novel in the nearer rather than far distant future.
What is it, a more realistic, less cheesy version of The Day After Tomorrow?
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Violet says:
I’ve never seen that, but just read the synopsis and no, my novel is nothing like that. What I’m looking at is a future civilization when sea levels are much higher and the modern coastlines are drowned. I would love it if I could get the inland sea back in North America but I need every fucking ice crystal to melt for that to happen.
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Alon Levy says:
Well, I presume you could say that because of China and India’s rapid development, CO2 emissions increased much faster than previously predicted.
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Violet says:
The thing about global dimming is that it seems it’s been masking the effects of global warming, which may be preceding much faster than thought. Still, though, I would like to set my novel no further than 1000 to 2000 years in the future, and I don’t think I can get enough melting by then.
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Alon Levy says:
If you’re talking about that sort of future, then the problem isn’t particularly big. Since glaciers have very high albedos, any large-scale melt will warm the planet further by causing it to absorb more light.
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Alon Levy says:
By the way, I forgot to ask: how do you deal with the patriarchy in your future civilization?
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Violet says:
But a thousand years is not enough time for the kind of melting that would raise sea levels as much as I want, unless the process goes faster than it has in prior fluctuations.
Originally I wanted to set the book maybe 500 years in the future, but I’ve given up on that.
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will says:
Global warming moving to slow? Sherly, you jest??
You better head inland now.
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Alon Levy says:
Maybe the things I’ve heard are just doom and gloom propaganda then – I heard that in principle, sea level could rise by tens of meters this century, if the planet warms beyond a critical point.
At times warming can go much more quickly. 600 million years ago, it took the planet between a century and a millennium to go from completely covered with snow to completely covered with liquid water. These things have positive feedback loops, because of glaciers’ high albedo.
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Paul Tergeist says:
Why would glaciers need high libidos? I’m telling you, the end is near. Violet, get that book published quick, before Kaavya Viswanathan gets hold of the story line.
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Violet says:
Global warming moving to slow?
It is if you’re trying to get to Late Cretaceous sea levels in a matter of centuries!
Alon, the society of my protagonist is gender-egalitarian and matrilineal. But there are some patriarchal societies around too.
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Alon Levy says:
Oh, okay – my far-future novel is set in a gender-egalitarian society that is neither patrilinear nor matrilinear (surnames are given, so John Smith and Mary Johnson might name their son James Taylor). And of course, the societies in my series about religious fundamentalism are stiflingly patriarchal.
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Ann Bartow says:
Alon (#7):
I believe she only has a bachelors degree, though it does appear to be in molecular biology, see e.g. this: http://www.theliterarygroup.co.....s_mno.html
and this:
http://us.penguingroup.com/nf/.....77,00.html
It doesn’t appear that she ever worked as a scientist. And I don’t undertand the Darwin Awards to be “science writing.” Basicallu she seems to comb obituaries and such.Chris Mooney, however, wrote a book called “The Republican War on Science,” which was science related enough to get reviewed by Scientific American, see: http://www.sciam.com/article.c.....8;colID=12
So I am confused about your point. But now I am compounding the thread hijacking, so why not e-mail me if you feel I need to apologize to Northcutt or Kos or someone: bartow@law.sc.edu
So far, I’m thinking I don’t. -
Violet says:
surnames are given, so John Smith and Mary Johnson might name their son James Taylor
Like Jane Fonda and Tom Hayden!
What’s the hook/conceit/whatever of your far-future novel?
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will says:
Charlottesvill will be safer than Williamsburg when the ice melts. But, then again, it always has been safer.
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Alon Levy says:
It’s hard to explain… it’s about a woman who the Empire harasses because her boyfriend was caught in a terrorist act. The difference between that and most rebels-fighting-against-the-Empire books is that here the rebels turn out to be barely better; but the book is still horribly pulp and needs a complete rewrite and big changes in the plot. I’m not working on it actively, though – I left it and am concentrating on my fundamentalism novel, which I think is better.
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Paul Tergeist says:
Note to hopeful readers: The blog is really not inacessible to you because I am here to make sense of it all.
They mean that there are no gender roles for parents in their futuristic models. Boys will be boys….or girls, and so forth. Everyone will dress the same, look the same and act the same. Individuality will not exist. Soylent Green will replace pork chops and salmon chirashi will come in pill form.
You will be up to your asses in salt water but you can still pray for the deliverance which will never come. Rape won’t exist because of gender confliction and war will be passe’. Everyone will have the same IQ and neural pathways, thus conversation will no longer be required. Education will be programmed in vitro so no one will have to go to school or work. Damselfish and cane toads will become the dominant lifeforms.
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Alon Levy says:
Actually, part of the thing about my far-future society is that most of the evils that exist in modern societies – crime (including rape), war, invasions of privacy, inequality, poverty, and oppression – still exist.
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Paul Tergeist says:
My novel is already better than both of the others. Here’s the kicker. Someone discovers an old Jenna Jameson CD in a bunker and realizes that having two genders might actually be FUN! So they de-unisex and start partying down, having fun, and sex and vive’ la difference.
Then the sun goes supernova and cooks the earth.
The irony is that while all the women had been demanding complete equality, science took a back seat. By the time they got it, they discovered that it was no fun. Just as they devolved to approximately where we are now, everyone dies.
I am sure I will get the Pulitzer for this.
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Paul Tergeist says:
Forget it Alon. Your novel is old hat. Mine is fresh and ‘now’.
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Violet says:
Back in from the yard for a short rest (Alon, you elected not to dig the holes, I see) and I’m delighted to see that the blog has turned into Duelling Novelists.
Actually my book will be better than either of yours: a future form of Christianity that is virtually unrecognizable, fanciful myths about the legendary past (our present), a major seaport in Ohio, the English language as it might exist in 1000 years. Plus the plot which I’m not going to give away because Paul will steal it.
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Alon Levy says:
You wouldn’t want me to dig the holes. Whenever I’m drafted for something, I whine about it so much the person who made me do it goes insane. Ask my parents about it some day.
No, my novel would be the best. It has a very recognizable form of Christianity, a pan-Arab invasion of Israel, an American invasion of Canada, a Democratic establishment that considers abortion and gay rights to be latte-liberal trivialities, and a Pope intent on bringing back the Inquisition.
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Paul Tergeist says:
Oh, so yours is a documentary?
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Violet says:
I thought at first that Alon’s far-future novel sure didn’t sound very far-future (unless to him far-future means next semester — kids!), but then I realized that he must be describing his fundamentalist novel. So I’m taking that as a tacit admission that his far-future novel does indeed blow chunks compared to mine.
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Paul Tergeist says:
Violet, please be a little more ladylike in your descriptions. “Blow chunks” is nauseating. Can’t you say something like “Reading his novel would be like drinking a mouthful of something a tubercular patient spit up”?
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Mandos says:
I’m curious about your novel, Violet. Does it involve humans spontaneous evolving gills? Living a lordoftheflies-like existence on the ruined hulk of the Exxon Valdez? A spontaneous-gill-wearing loner on a boat saddled with a woman and child? Funny accents? A trip in a crude homemade zeppelin?
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Violet says:
Yes, and enough water to cover the entire earth almost to the very tippy top of Mount Everest! And they say women don’t have the chops to handle sci-fi.
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Mandos says:
I think you should option your novel ASAP. Paging Kevin Costner, stat!
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Paul Tergeist says:
I’m getting into the groove with this! Suppose too much CO2 was released and the planet was poisoned: http://www.dhmo.org/
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Alon Levy says:
I thought at first that Alon’s far-future novel sure didn’t sound very far-future (unless to him far-future means next semester — kids!), but then I realized that he must be describing his fundamentalist novel. So I’m taking that as a tacit admission that his far-future novel does indeed blow chunks compared to mine.
It blows chunks, period. Usually I don’t even admit it exists as to avoid having to give people details. For your information, it takes place in the mid-4th millennium, so no, I don’t think next semester is far future. My fundamentalism novel takes place in the very near future – it’s mostly about the 2020 Presidential election campaign.
I believe she only has a bachelors degree, though it does appear to be in molecular biology, see e.g. this: http://www.theliterarygroup.co.....rsmno.html
and this:
http://us.penguingroup.com/nf/.....77,00.html
It doesn’t appear that she ever worked as a scientist. And I don’t undertand the Darwin Awards to be “science writing.” Basicallu she seems to comb obituaries and such.I’m not entirely sure which degree she has, either. But Wikipedia says, “Wendy studied molecular biology at UC Berkeley, worked in a neuroscience research laboratory at Stanford University, and later joined a biotech startup developing cancer and diabetes therapeutics.”
I don’t really think an apology is needed, even if you didn’t have grounds to suspect the choice, which you did. Given the history of Daily Kos, you had every reason to suspect sexism at work. I’m probably going to go to Yearly Kos, if only to hear PZ Myers speak, so I can ask DarkSyde there about the choice of the panel.
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Alon Levy says:
By the way, Violet, I remember you said you had difficulties constructing your far-future descendant of English. If you want help with that, you can use Futurese. It won’t give you everything you want, but you’ll have the soundshifts and the basic grammatical structure.
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Violet says:
By the way, Violet, I remember you said you had difficulties constructing your far-future descendant of English.
No, I never said that. Must be a confabulated memory in your mind.* Actually constructing the English is the funnest part.
*Maybe it’s my Josephus/Jesus-in-the-cave karma coming back to bite you in the ass.
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Alon Levy says:
No, I’m still pretty sure you said that – I distinctly remember you say that one reason writing the book took a lot of time was that you had to work on the language.
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Violet says:
I distinctly remember you say that one reason writing the book took a lot of time was that you had to work on the language.
Oh, but that’s not because it’s hard — it just takes time. But in fact I believe (without going back to find that comment, which I don’t even know where it was anyway) I was referring to another book of mine. For that one I’m actually inventing an entire language from scratch — it’s not English at all.
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Violet says:
Not that you would know which book I’m referring to, since I’m deliberately rather vague about these things.
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Alon Levy says:
I think you said it was science fiction…
Are you being vague because you published one of these books and don’t want to inadvertently out yourself, or just because you don’t feel like releasing details?
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Violet says:
I’m vague because I’m reclusive!
The book with the wholly invented language is indeed science fiction. I’m working on it in between another non-sci-fi novel.
The far-future book I’ve been talking about in this thread is sci-fi of a different kind – really it’s more like post-apocalyptic Dark Ages futurism. Technology and society both show a mix of leftover remnants of our day and primitive recidivism, etc. No ray guns or space ships.
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Cassandra says:
Violet-
to “The thing about global dimming is that it seems it’s been masking the effects of global warming, which may be preceding much faster than thought. ”
A couple of weeks ago on NPR they were interviewing that Australian guy, Tim Flannery, that recently published his book, “The Weather Makers: How Man Is Changing the Climate and What It Means for Life on Earth”. Anyway he said they took samples of the earth’s temperature post 9-11, and concluded that emisions from airplanes mask the rate of global warming and that it is occurring at a rate faster than previously calculated. (Because all air traffic was grounded for those few days they could see this effect.)
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Alon Levy says:
Well, my sci-fi book doesn’t have rayguns, either – it has blasters.
I’m not sure apocalypses really create primitive recidivism. European technology levels dropped after the fall of the Roman Empire, but by the early second millennium, they were already higher than they were in Roman times (though granted, a lot of it was due to borrowing from other civilizations). Some technologies, like horse yokes, showed more or less continuous improvement. So I presume that an apocalypse would usher in a world that is more technologically advanced than ours in some respects but less advanced in others. The trick is just to create a mix that’s more credible than what you see in most space operas.
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will says:
Speaking of Soulless Hacks, if you havent seen Stephen Colbert rip the Soulless Hack Bush, go to http://www.crooksandliars.com/.....html#a8104
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Violet says:
So I presume that an apocalypse would usher in a world that is more technologically advanced than ours in some respects but less advanced in others.
Yes, thank you — that’s actually a better of way of describing it. As it happens, my book is inspired by my study of European history: the transition from late antiquity to the early medieval period and on through the Middle Ages. I know that subject very well, and decided to create a futuristic version of those same sorts of trends.
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Alon Levy says:
Are you going to just concentrate on trends, or also include some familiar features of the Middle Ages, such as the new religion that displaces all the older ones in the area and persecutes their followers?
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Violet says:
Will, thanks for that clip. Colbert is a treasure.
Alon, I’m not sure exactly how to answer your question, but what I’m doing is imagining the world that might evolve from today’s world, given changes in the environment and reprising certain recurring historical patterns. Which is what all futurists do, really. It’s fun.
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Paul Tergeist says:
Futurists predict the end of civilization as they know it. They have always been correct.
Politicians predict things will get better soon.
Prophets claim both.
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gordo says:
Violent–
In my opinion, science fiction is almost always better when the writer ignores science. For example, Waterworld would have been even worse without all the extra water, the gills, etc.
If you worry too much about science, you wind up with the sort of thing Arthur C. Clarke writes, and only if you’re really good. You’re novel winds up being a 300 page version of the docking sequence from the movie 2001, only with the sound turned off.
Speaking of 2001, why is Clarke still regarded by so many as being an uncannily accurate futurist?
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Violet says:
Arthur Clarke is the worst bestselling novelist I’ve ever read. Isaac Asimov is second.
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CR says:
I only know of one science fiction writer. It is Edgar Rice Burroughs. I have read nearly every silly little sci-fi novel he ever wrote as a youngster. i don’t think feminists would like him though. but I got a huge kick out of his stories. Took no offense at all. Never a dull moment.
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CR says:
I also wanted to say something about writers. They say that it brings bad joo joo to talk too much in depth or even at all about the book they are writing. They say it takes away from their creative process and the internal fire and power dissipates quickly after telling people about it before it is completed.
I love adventure stories and love stories. Always with a happy endings. I hope Violet and Alon can find some way to include some of these elements into their stories. ;-))
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Violet says:
They say that it brings bad joo joo to talk too much in depth or even at all about the book they are writing.
That is true, and I usually guard my work ferociously. Drives the people close to me crazy.
“Can’t I just read a little of it?”
“No!”
“Won’t you even say what it’s about?”
“No!”I said more here about my far-future book than I ever have to anyone. It’s probably ruined now.
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Alon Levy says:
If you don’t tell anyone what your books are about, then who do you write them for – just yourself? I feel relatively free to talk about these two books because their first drafts are complete (although the sci-fi one is anything but presentable, and the one about fundamentalism still needs a good rewrite of the last chapter).
If you ask me, the worst bestselling novelist is Dan Brown, followed by J. K. Rowling. Asimov’s books are mind-numbingly repetitive, but they’re still infinitely better than Dan Brown’s dreck.
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Violet says:
CR and I are talking about keeping mum during the writing process.
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