Help me understand
These have been discussed before in the feminist blogosphere, but I’ve just now seen them again and I’m as freaked out as ever. Nuts For Trucks, they’re called, and you can get ‘em in the 8-inch model shown above, in a smaller version suitable for your motorcycle or riding lawn mower, and in almost every color of the rainbow.
Okay, I understand in a general way that this represents some kind of vehicular projection of insecure masculinity, but I need to know more. What exactly is going through the mind of someone who hangs these from his bumper? I realize that no one who reads or comments on this blog would ever dream of indulging in such a pathetic display of simulated masculinity, but if you personally possess a nutsack, you’ve got to have more insight into this phenomenon than I do.
Please help me out by taking the following poll (and don’t worry, your votes are anonymous):
55 Responses to “Help me understand”
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Pastor Al E Pistle says:
One assumes that only diesel dykes display disgusting things like that. A man would never do so. Where do you find these sick images? Instead, please post nude pictures of Alessandra Mussolini or T&A.
March 10th, 2006 at 1:28 am EST -
SF says:
“I’m not a loser! I’m not!”
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gordo says:
In all seriousness, I think that someone displaying this ornament would think it an amusing way of emphasizing the masculine nature of his truck.
These are guys who never by a female dog, or any kind of cat. The kind of guys who know 100 jokes, all of which come down to “I hate women. Except for sex.”
I think this group breaks down about 50/50 between guys who are resentful because they can’t get laid, and guys who are resentful because they’re closeted homosexuals.
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manxome says:
Gawd, which phrase most eloquently says “overcompensation of gross magnitude”?
These losers never run out of shit to put on their dumbass trucks. About ten years ago my husband picked up the habit of saying “sorry ’bout your penis” because he heard me say it so many damn times.
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maupassant says:
Translation: “I done got me a grade 4 edacation an I jus drunk 6 beers. Ah’m an AMERICAN!”
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KC says:
What kind of Customer Support do you suppose they offer at Nuts for Trucks?
I really love your blog.
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Burrow says:
I voted 3, but I also wanted to vote 5
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Violet says:
If you want to vote again, you can delete your cookies and then refresh the page. But that’s just a secret tip from me to you, which no one else can know.
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Pastor Al E. Pistle says:
Socks, I have rethought the hanging balls thing extensively and have decided the only possible explanation is that women put them there as an indication that they have emasculated the man with the truck and no other woman should worry about using him as a source of genetic material.
In addition, the poll feature doesn’t work correctly with today’s Firefox 1.5 beta. I had to switch to the MSIE beta to leave this reply. Do you think I have nothing better to do than switch between web browsers all evening? Piffle! I am a busy man counting tithes and writing sermons.
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Barbara says:
“I have one thing and one thing only on my mind.”
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Pastor Al E Pistle says:
“I have one thing and one thing only on my mind.”
-BarbaraEXCELLENT, dear! That is a 100% improvement since yesterday!
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Pastor Al E Pistle says:
Mystery solved. These ‘ornaments’ are the redneck response to a well-known and widely seen bumper sticker which says “GOT BALLS?”.
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will says:
Is it really that surprising that this exists?
I suspect that there are thousands of people sitting at home trying to think of different genital “novelty” items.
I also suspect that there are thousands of people who think that anything involving breasts, vaginias, penises, and balls makes for first rate humor.
Think Beavis and Butthead: “hee hheeee. She said balls.”
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Alon Levy says:
My position’s the same as Burrow’s - I voted 3, but 5 makes sense, too.
I’m guessing this is a fairly obvious, albeit extreme, example of unbridled machoism. It’s part of what causes Americans to buy so many SUVs, with or without plastic balls (though the false belief that they’re safer than small cars and the general American tendency to think big are important causes too).
I also suspect that there are thousands of people who think that anything involving breasts, vaginias, penises, and balls makes for first rate humor.
Thousands? I think you’ve just described any male under the age of 12 (the word shit also ranks very high on the giggle list).
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The Countess says:
I voted for three only because it’s what’s going on in these cretin’s heads. I know that 2 is really the right answer because 2 is the truth. However, cretins can’t handle the truth.
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Jim Deeny says:
Is that like “tea-bagging” the asphalt?
In my opinion, this truck isn’t passive on the street. It’s high octane and fast and agreesive.
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kactus says:
I want some pink plastic ovaries to hang from the bumper of my chevy sedan. Now THAT’s making a statement.
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The Countess says:
I have a Buddy Christ on my dashboard. Buddy Christ is from the movie “Dogma”, in case you don’t know. If my mother ever saw it, she’d have a cow because that statue is blasphemous. Heh heh heh.
I used to have an X-Files license plate border, but I lost it. I hope to find one at the convention I’m going to in a couple of weeks. I need to replace it. I have a Gone With The Wind license plate, but I can’t put it on the car in Massachusetts. Maybe when we move to Hawaii I can put that license plate on my car.
Jim, I’ve never heard of “tea-bagging” the asphalt. You do know what tea-bagging is, don’t you? Think of a male body part that looks like a tea bag, and guess what it fits into? Hee hee hee. ;)
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Infidel says:
Freedom of speech
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belledame222 says:
Tea-bagging the asphalt!
I think from the responses, a combination of 2,3, and 13 sounds about right. “Balls. Huh, huh, huh.”
The question is, if someone kicks them, does the whole truck explode?
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Jim Deeny says:
Countess:
Teabagging is a doggie style position and the males nuts swing with every thrust and the nuts slap up against the clitoris? Is that what your’e talking about?
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belledame222 says:
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Jim Deeny says:
So that’s teabagging huh. I never knew that.
I learn something everyday. So what’s coffee filtering? -
belledame222 says:
You don’t want to know.
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The Countess says:
Nope, Jim, that’s not what tea-bagging is, but I see you read the link belledame posted.
Learn something new every day. ;)
Now how about we talk about figging? Har!!
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Jim Deeny says:
Uh, I think I’ll pass on the figging!
Sounds a tad rough for a softee like me.
;)
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Jim Deeny says:
I’ll be honest, I’ve thought about this figging thing and well, I, uh, wonder if they ginger root at my local grocery store? Then, you can call me “Mr. Ed.
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Pastor Al E. Pistle says:
YOU PEOPLE ARE ALL SICK AND DISGUSTING! You must be catlickers. GET RIGHT WITH GOD and stop ‘teabagging’ and ‘felching’. Those will send you directly to HELL!!!!!! Even the “M” activity is a sin.
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Jim Deeny says:
Oh pastor, you can’t tell me you never buffed the bishop. ;)
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belledame222 says:
The bishop *is* looking rather shiny, now you mention it…
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Violet says:
Pastor Pistle, I am very sorry for the trouble you had — I had no idea this poll would mess up with FF. But I’m glad you took the time to switch browsers so you could share with us your important and Godly thoughts.
As of right now #3 is winning, the “reveling in masculinity” answer. So question: are such guys really oblivious to how ridiculous this makes them look? Or are they telegraphing their message to men of like mind who will see the plastic nuts and approve?
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Jim Deeny says:
VS: How do we know the truck is owned by a male?
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Violet says:
Go to the NutsforTrucks link. All the customer testimonials and pictures are from men.
Also, observers in areas where these things are common note that the drivers are always male.
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will says:
Wow. Vampire Vs is awake early today.
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Infidel says:
It is juxtaposition. Motivation? Attention, Humor, Arrogance, Statement hmmmmmm could be any, might be all. Plastic nuts sales proceeds might go to medical research, might not. Probably not. Where would you put a penis on a car? Tits also would drag underneath. A volkswagen would be Ideal for “Buns”.
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Violet says:
Wow. Vampire Vs is awake early today.
Up at the crack of lunch!
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will says:
Perhaps you could wake up earlier if you didnt spend so much time late at night experimenting about the things discussed here.
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Infidel says:
Generic clip art images downloaded from Internet archives were silk screened onto 15 loaves of fresh Wonderbread. The approximately 650 pieces of bread were then toasted and mounted on an eight foot by twelve foot section of a wall. It was created for a show titled “Straight White Male”.
“Help me understand” -
Jim Deeny says:
Infidel: That’s just not right.
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Jim Deeny says:
Straight white males use Wonderbread, and gay males use Butter topped, does that help you Infidel?
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Jeff says:
I voted for other. I think they are trying to convince everyone that “No, my wife/girlfriend does NOT own them, I take them with me everywhere I go.”
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Jeff says:
Either that, or it’s an equivelant saying to “As useless as tits on a boar.” I don’t know?
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Infidel says:
Try to understand.
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Alon Levy says:
As of right now #3 is winning, the “reveling in masculinity” answer. So question: are such guys really oblivious to how ridiculous this makes them look?
Yes.
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Infidel says:
The reason someone might put plastic nuts on the back of his pickup truck is because he got them as a present and doesn’t want to disappoint the giver and he’s comfortable enough with his own masculinity and self esteem that whatever irritated feedback he might receive can be ameliorated by a simple reference to the artistic juxtapostion of man and machine.
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Jeff says:
Infidel,
I don’t know you, and you don’t know me, but what would YOU do if I gave you a pair of plastic nuts for a present? Regale in your masculinity? Or think it was a proposition? They would both be wrong. I would simply be telling you what I thought of your opinion.
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Infidel says:
Ya know. I wouldn’t regale or think. If they were new in a package with instructions on mounting. I’d at least mount them, then stand back and look at them.
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Jeff says:
I’m still not completely sure about your opinions, but I kinda like your sense of humor.
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Infidel says:
Just imagine being in traffic behind this bright yellow truck and as you approach, kind of squinting to identify, maybe a plastic bag or some kind of protector for the tow hitch wiring harness THEY’RE BALLS! Traffic stops and people in cars are now surrounding you as you look at THIS ASSHOLES BALLS! Six lanes of traffic at a standstill. They’re snickering, kids are pressed up against windows to get a peek. And everyone is looking to you Because your the one stuck directly behind him and everyone knows just exactly what they represent and they want to see how your reacting. The truck windows are one way tinted glass. Now you look in the rear view mirror and there is a car full of Nuns. NUNS! And you suddenly realize your the only one between these unaware nuns and this guys balls. What do you do?
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Jim Deeny says:
Maybe it’s a revalation, or some kind of new cultural revolution displaying bravery?
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belledame222 says:
You know what I think, actually: they thing they’re being very daring, besides everything else noted here. You know, “politically incorrect.” They get to cock a snook (har HAR!) at both the folks who would be shocked, SHOCKED at this blatant public allusion to genitalia, and the strawfeminists that they tend to conflate with the anti-sex brigade. “Try to repress my masculinity, will you? Well, take THAT!”
Or, you know, they could just have brains the size of a walnut and weren’t really thinking anything at all. One of those.
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Infidel says:
Surely the balls are removed for funerals.
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Infidel says:
What made ball humor acceptable in the mainstream?
One major contribution was a five minute skit on Saturday Night Live that endlessly refered to Mr.Schwetty’s balls. Without this injection into the mainstream of American culture perhaps the marketing of plastic balls would never have come about. -
Hypatia's Father says:
Ha ha! Those balls reek of NASCAR exhaust fumes, if you know what I mean.
Ironically, though, primate studies show that when a male chimp displays his genitalia from behind (as I am reminded by the image of these trucks) they are actually assuming the position of a female in estrus; thus, in effect assuming a submissive stance toward an alpha-male conspecific. The idea is that in doing so, the back-rearing chimp is “telling” the alpha male that he is no threat to his dominant sexual status.
Despite the crude machismo, these poor trucks might as well have a lavender bumper sticker that reads, ” I (heart) butt-fucking!”
Don’t you just love primate social dynamics?
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belledame222 says:
Oh, that is excellent. Hah! “Beta male here, TAKE me, Daddy!” Someone should scrawl it on those trucks’ windhields when they get dirty, instead of “wash me.”
