When Godbags Do Science…
…you get books like this: Noah’s Ark: A Feasibility Study.
John Woodmorappe has turned his energetic intellect to the problem of Noah’s Ark, and the results are formidable. This ground-breaking feasibility study — complete with schematics and detailed tables and charts — covers every single aspect of Ark construction and operation: spatial requirements, biomass calculations, waste management, heating and ventilation, animal control. Beyond this, Woodmorappe marshals evidence from genetics, plate tectonics, hydrology, and marine stratigraphy to demonstrate the feasibility of the Ark story. Every skeptical argument is convincingly refuted — except, of course, that one argument about how none of this ever happened because IT’S A FUCKING FAIRYTALE, you idiot!
Tell you what, Mr. Woodmorappe — why don’t you get to work on a feasibility study of King Arthur’s Round Table? I want surface area calculations, cylindrical volume estimates, and structural integrity analyses for different species of wood. Then I think you should put together a proposal for using helicopter echolocation and GPS positioning to establish a precise height measurement for Paul Bunyan. Be sure to correct for geoid deformation caused by tall Paul and his trusty friend, Babe the Blue Ox!
8 Responses to “When Godbags Do Science…”
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Infidel says:
It doesn’t hurt to have some scientifically planned contingencies in place. We actually could incur “Gods Wrath” and bring upon ourselves as harsh an environment, as unlivable a world as Kevin Costner’s Water World. As evidence of what took place….eh How could we possibly split the Red Sea, stuff Jonah in a whale(big fish), Knock down walls by blowing a horn, turn water to wine- This ain’t the first time and it won’t be the last. My favorite is the righteous dudes thrown in the furnace(they come out/the King converts), how, given the kind of furnaces they had, ancient kilns, if they did crank them up as the King had ordered, it is feasable that the draught would actually make it possible to survive. Isn’t that interesting?
February 28th, 2006 at 10:38 am EST -
Pastor Al E Pistle says:
Of course there was an ark! Read the Book of Genesis! The problem was catching the Emperor penguins.
Genesis
God was angry because “the earth was filled with violence.” So he killed every living thing to make the world less violent. 6:11-13
Noah is told to make an ark that is 450 feet long. 6:14-15
God tells Noah to make one small window (18 inches square) in the 450 foot ark for ventilation. 6:16
Whether by twos or by sevens, Noah takes male and female representatives from each species of “every thing that creepeth upon the earth.” 7:8
God opens the “windows of heaven.” He does this every time it rains. 7:11
All of the animals boarded the ark “in the selfsame day.” 7:13-14
“The windows of heaven were stopped, and the rain from heaven was restrained.” This happens whenever it stops raining. 8:2
Noah sends a dove out to see if there was any dry land. But the dove returns without finding any. Then, just seven days later, the dove goes out again and returns with an olive leaf. But how could an olive tree survive the flood? And if any seeds happened to survive, they certainly wouldn’t germinate and grow leaves within a seven day period. 8:8-11
Noah kills the “clean beasts” and burns their dead bodies for God. According to 7:8 this would have caused the extinction of all “clean” animals since only two of each were taken onto the ark. “And the Lord smelled a sweet savor.” After this God “said in his heart” that he’d never do it again because “man’s heart is evil from his youth.” So God killed all living things (6:5) because humans are evil, and then promises not to do it again (8:21) because humans are evil. The mind of God is a frightening thing. 8:20-21
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Pastor Al E Pistle says:
Drat! I lost an hour’s work. Oh well, I will present a synopsis instead. It is too bad that Noah’s shipbuilding skills were lost. He had no metal for tools or for supporting the beam of the ship, yet he built a wooden ship larger than any other in history. No one else has even come close. When a secular friend of mind did a feasibility study on the ark, he determined that it cannot have floated. You can do the same by making a scale model according to the instructions given in the Bible. My friend used ice cream sticks and modern technology, but it wouldn’t float right-side up. After he put the load aboard it broke in half and sank.
And the water…..It covered Mt. Ararat..~14,000 feet high. That means water covered the earth three miles higher than today’s sea level. But there isn’t enough hydrogen or oxygen on earth to make that much water or it would still be here and it’s weight would have pulled the earth right out of orbit. It can’t have drained away, there was no where for it to go. It can’t have evaporated. And it can’t have separated into freshwater lakes/ice and saltwater oceans.
We at Landover Baptist do not worry about these niggling problems. We understand that GOD makes miracles and this was one of His best.
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Infidel says:
Talk about LaLa land. I followed a few links into the flood and came out with …can you be serious? Is it my arrogance? That I feel so mentally superior to throw “niggling problems” at statements of fact. Maybe after the flood, men did fend off dinosaurs from their gardens and that’s why they’re extinct.(right) There may have even been a flood. Maybe it makes sense to posit a defence of a true occurrance blown out of proportion. And maybe defend that out of proportion story as an excercise, a mental excercise. Or just say it’s a miracle in the first place and leave it at that. …I came out with the shock of the magnitude of the “information” available to me on such subjects that I never would have thought was there. Who writes this stuff? Draws this stuff? Sells this stuff? Buys this stuff? Reads this stuff?
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Violet says:
A god who destroys billions of creatures in a rage, but whose heart is softened when the smell of burning meat reaches his nostrils. That certainly sounds like the kind of Infinite Deity I can believe in and worship. What’s the problem?
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will says:
I do enjoy those who say “He is a loving God.” uhhhhh maybe when he isnt angry and pissed off. S & G anyone?
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Dr. Bone says:
Dear Al E Pistle,
I had forgotten what a great site Landover Baptist is. Thanks for your words. -
Dr Marco says:
It is amazing the number of people that believe the story as if it were historical fact. It is amazing the number of people that accept as their supreme deity a god that openly kills, but who, in spite of that is unable to purify the planet from evil. After killing all the evil people with the flood, should we be now all good persons?
